The Working Mom Vs. Stay at Home Mom Debate

If you ask working moms who has it harder, they will probably say working while staying on top of their kids and home is the hardest, and if you ask a stay at home mom, they will probably tell you that nobody appreciates how much time and effort they have to put in and that they never get a break. So who really has is hardest? I was a stay at home mom for 16 wonderful months—it was awful, depressing, exhausting, and absolutely amazing all at the same time. I've now been a working mom for about 5 months. I never anticipated how much I would miss my son and how utterly jealous I would be watching other women step into MY role. Is it harder? In some ways yes. I miss a lot of milestones and quality time, and I have to deal with frustration and trust issues when his teachers don't do as I've asked or do things I didn't even know I was uncomfortable with yet. Sometimes it's also especially easier.

I think each individual situation deserves some ambiguity. Every mom is different, and her situation might not align with yours. Just like every child grows and develops differently. Some moms enjoy the quality one on one time with their kids, while others are itching to resume their careers. Neither is a better or worse mom per-se. I for one, really enjoy and take pride in teaching my son things on my own and helping him develop at his own pace, I thrive on messy art projects and teaching a second language. But I didn't have a "career" before I had him, just a string of two mediocre jobs that I wasn't very happy at and was in no hurry to return to. There was no sense of accomplishment, no raises or promotions, no one really relying on me. Maybe if I had a career things would be different. I mean kids need to eat, right? Diapers are pretty expensive, and we all want our kids to have the best toys and clothes. That money's gotta come from somewhere. For some moms, the career and emotional advancements they made before pregnancy have to be put on hold during maternity leave, and in some situations, they are returning to uncertainty in their abilities and scrutiny for ever leaving! That anxiety, plus the need to quiet anyone who tells you you "can't have it all" would send anyone into overdrive.

For me, being a working mom is the hardest thing I've ever done, mostly because I don't want anyone else to be able to take credit for raising my son, I don't want anyone else to spend more time to work with him or know him better. I thrive running a household, and that's ok. Still, I think that each individual situation also affects the answer to this question. The stay at home mom with no child care options might still prefer being a working mom, and the working mom that is the breadwinner for the family might prefer being a stay at home mom. The point is, we are all doing the best we can. So maybe we can stop judging each other's decisions and help build each other up instead of tear each other down?