Okay, so let's rewind here a little bit. I know, I know, I am keeping you waiting. Suck it up, we will get there soon enough.
As a female, somewhere on the "normal" spectrum, I had always fantasized about having children of my own and being a mother and all that fun stuff. Can I honestly say I wanted children then? Yes, yes I can. Does that mean I was ready? HELL NO I WAS NOT. Did I know that? Yes I did. Now, deep down, I knew that I really did not want a child at this point in my life. Simply put, I was so in love with the idea that I tricked my own mind into thinking I wanted one right then. Stupid, right? I was pretty naive.
Okay, now fast forward to where we were.
There were two tests in the box. I took the first one almost as soon as we got home. It was negative. I was disappointed yet also relieved. Kind of a bittersweet feeling I had. Yet even though that test read negative, I still wasn't convinced. I had done a lot of research before I took the test. Especially on pregnancy symptoms. I had nearly every single one. So, when I saw that the test was negative I knew something seemed odd. I let a day go by and was still feeling the same as I had been for the last week or so. The next morning, as soon as I woke up, I took the second test. This time, it was positive.
I told my boyfriend and he advised that we take a couple more just to be sure since we had one positive and one negative. I don't remember the final count of which each we had. All I remember is that there was definitely more positive than negative. So, that settled it.
Oh, shit. I was pregnant. Fantastic.
Needless to say, I was happy yet upset and angry all at the same time. Does that make sense? Like, my biggest dream had come true but at the same time I knew it would really derail my life. In that solidifying moment, I realized that this was not what I really wanted or needed in my life at this point in time. All of sudden, I found myself worrying about, literally, EVERYTHING. What would people think? Oh my gosh, what would my PARENTS think? What would everyone at church think? I was honestly mortified beyond comprehension the more I thought about all this. I was scared for sure. I felt like I had to figure everything out at once on top of everything else I was dealing with.
Okay, so back up again. The term "everything else" refers to my family. The same weekend I had graduated I had also learned that I have 3 half-sisters and a half-brother that I had never met or knew anything about until that time. A little history: my mom got involved with a Black guy way back. Technically Black/Native American. After some time, she became pregnant with me. My "sperm donor" wasn't really in the picture. When he was there, he was horrible to my mom and really affected her life very negatively. I know his name, which is not on my birth certificate. I had met him once in my life and was anything but impressed or thrilled to say the very least. I had become friends with him on Facebook, hoping for God only knows what to blossom. Soon after, his mother, his brother, and his aunt followed suit and added me as well. I didn't really talk to any of them because I was very uneasy about it because of everything my mom had told me about the family. Drugs, alcohol, theft. Just a lot of bad things they were all involved in or had been at a time. Anyways, I had received a request from a few girls who had the same last name as him and looked about my age, of which both things seemed very off to me. So I added them, thinking "oh, what harm could it do?" Then, I received this message from one of them. She asked if I knew who she was and I, of course, said no. That's when she broke it to me that she was my sister and we have the same dad. She is 2 months younger than me. Then I received messages from the other girls, both telling me they're my sisters and we share the same father. One is a year younger than and the other is about 4 or 5 years older than me. The girl who is a year behind me also told me that she had a younger brother who is also my half brother. I was in shock.
I was so angry. I just didn't know what to do or think. I felt a little betrayed because these girls all seemed to have SOME kind of relationship with our father, while I did not. Part of it was my own choice, but part of it was also his choice to not try to contact me over the years. I went 18 years of not having him around. Why bother? Mom got married to the man I now call my father and I had an awesome brother. We had a happy life. After that night, I don't really remember much else about the situation.
That is what I was also dealing with at the time. I was stressed out. I was still kind of bitter about everything. I was 18, fresh out of high school, was pregnant, and had 4 siblings I had never met. Just grand. But, I did my best to stay positive about it and went about my life the rest of the week. I had enough to do in prep for my open house that coming weekend, so I was busy enough to keep everything off my mind somewhat. Aside from all that drama, I was feeling really good about my open house coming up that Saturday. I was really anxious to see who would all show up there.
It ended up turning out really good. Mostly everyone I was hoping to show up came. Most people brought a card or a small gift. Everyone in my life that I loved was there. It was a perfect day. The sun was out. Everyone was happy. I was happy. Soon everyone left and later that evening my boyfriend and I went out to the local speedway to watch the races like we usually did on Saturday nights.
Another week went by and soon it was time for my family's annual trip. This year, we went to Gatlinburg, Tennessee.