Young & Pregnant

Sweet 17, only it’s not so sweet. More bitter than I thought. Getting this kind of news can make your mind wander miles away. What will I do? Everyone will think of me differently. No longer innocent, more like a fuck up who’ll end up living off welfare. My Boyfriend and I met at school. He sat next to me in drivers ed. Black hair with brown eyes that hold desert sands. He’s 19 with a car, so we feel like we got it together. Only we don’t. We’re dumb. I tell him it’s positive, but the outcome feels negative. Is it a boy or a girl? But does it matter? Should I keep it? The stress is killing me. Only it’s not. I see love. Everyone else sees failure. I’ve decided, now ready for the days to come, finding out I’m 10 weeks already, so there’s no turning back. He tells me it’ll be OK. I’m young and pregnant. Only I’m 17, not 16. So not so stereotypical.

Flutters in my stomach growing into kicks, and I'm now wondering what gender is it? Long drives to nowhere, discussion of this and that. Romantic glances between us, too, guess it our baby moon. Emotions on high hoping he doesn’t leave. Abandonment issues get in the way of our relationship. And I have no Dad. Will my nameless child have one? Oh, names. I almost forgot. The sound that spills out of our mouths that helps us identify one another. She’s a she, so who will she be? Her name for the rest of her life, so it’s gotta be good. Never did I think I’d figure it out. Her father says the name sounds great. The ideas gone from planet moons to seasons. I said it out loud: Autumn.

Long nights of tossing and turning. My hips are wide. I count every stretch mark make an appearance on my waist, but they’ll be a reminder. Of all the movements you made. Feeling self-conscious of all the staring eyes. Of strangers and families. Their mouths full of gossip. He continuously tries to remind me I’m beautiful and our family will need my full attention. Pay no mind to their minds. We’re both anxious of who we’ll meet, and will she love us? I’m a mother, and it’s barely hitting me now. Autumn, she’ll bloom into a woman and I hold responsible for her; it is deep.

Contractions growing more and more painful. Seven minutes apart. Hours of waiting. In agony, but nothing can stop this force of nature. When I meet her what will I say? I can do this. I can do this. Some mantra. Nurses motivating my pushes. My heart fills up with an emotion of its own. There’s love, happiness, sadness, and anger. But this sensation beholds its own understanding. She shouts with a cry. Her father looks at me, reassuringly of her arrival. Tears of joy manifested, as pregnancy ceased to exist, and new life embraced. A baby is born. So is a mother and father. This chapter came to an end. Only it’s just the beginning.

Chapter Two...