Why Would You Do That?

This story might be upsetting, so I'm going to apologize ahead of time. I wish this situation never happened. I still feel like it needs to be out there, though.

I lost my mom in 2013. I was 19 years old and she is my entire world. She had been sick for years with pancreatitis from a procedure gone wrong. That's a story for a different time.

I was not there when she passed. I'm convinced that if I was there, I would not be here today. I couldn't have handled her passing in front of me with nothing I could do to save her. It's taken me years to accept this. Some days, I still don't accept it. I just wasn't meant to be there.

Now, my grandmother and uncle had discovered her. This is an absolute horror I wouldn't wish on anyone. Especially, a mother finding her child. I can only grieve as a daughter, so I hope to never have to grieve as a mother like my grandmother had to. I was told about everything that happened, but a detail was left out that I wouldn't know until much later.

My uncle who had discovered her is not the best person. He could be much worse, but he could be much better. At least, that's how I felt about him at the time. My mom had two brothers. We'll call the one in question Larry. Now, Larry had been in some bad situations. Mental health is a big issue, but I still can't understand why he did what he did.

When my mom was found an ambulance had been called. She was pronounced dead. She had died by herself, so BCI had to be called in. When they got there, some photos had to be taken of her. I can respect that. Those people are just doing their job and trying to help. What I cannot understand is Larry taking photos of her on his phone.

Now, nobody was going to tell me that this had happened. I kind of wish I never found out. My other uncle and his wife had told me a few weeks later. I was also told that the pictures had been sent to family members through email. My mom's memorial service was the next day. All I could feel was pain. It felt like someone ripped my soul out of my body.

Have you ever had to sit next to someone who made your skin crawl? Well, lucky me had to sit next to Larry during the service. All I kept thinking was do not do something in this Catholic church. Mom wouldn't want you to sink to that level. Unfortunately, the priest never met my mom. He never said how amazing she was or how she brought life into every person she met. He spoke about Jesus and Easter. The cherry on top of my sundae had to be when Larry spent the entire service on his phone. I had politely asked him to put his phone away. What did I get? Larry leaning in with his hand on his lips telling me to "Shush." It took everything I had left not to grab his phone and just throw it across the church.

The next day was an absolute dumpster fire. I had gone with my other uncle, his wife, and the guy I was with at the time to pick up some of my mom's stuff that had been left at my grandmother's. That's when all hell broke loose. I asked Larry about the pictures and he denied it. I asked him again and got the denial. Finally, he told the truth. He asked me if I wanted to see them. I broke down. How could he do that? How does he not understand how upsetting that is? Did he even think about anybody's feelings? He didn't think of my mom's feelings. That's what hurt the most. I asked my grandmother how she could have let him do that. After that I got both of them screaming in my face. "Your mom never loved you!" "It's your fault she's dead." Now my other uncle was fighting with Larry. Was it about the way Larry treated me? What about my mom? No, it was about a stupid truck that had been sold 10 years ago! I realized that nobody was thinking about my mom. Nobody was considering her feelings. It was just about material possessions. The situation escalated and the police were called. I got my mom's stuff and I left. Five years later, Larry hasn't apologized. He never will.

I just want whoever is reading this to know that it's not just your family that's crazy. You are not alone. It is okay to cut people out of your life, even if they are family. Do not let people make you feel guilty for letting go of toxicity. It will all be okay.