Why We Need To Stop Using the Term 'Daddy Issues'

My father is a sociopath; maybe not clinically proven as such but all the traits and qualities of a sociopath, well, my father has had since a young boy. He was emotionally and physically abusive to me and my family for 17 long years until he walked out on us. Then one day he walked back in expecting us to worship him and has had a stalking relationship ever since.

I could write an entire book about this one man but that is not necessary (and he doesn’t deserve that type of spotlight). The point is, the man left a lot of issues in my life that I have had to deal with (and am still dealing with). The amount of people who jokingly (and seriously) tell me I have "daddy issues" could probably set a new world record. A sad fact is that it is a lot more common these days to have a father that is either out of the picture or treats his children like dirt. I’m not saying every father in the world is horrible, and I’m not saying mothers are all saints; I just know statistically it is common.

The reason I hate the term "daddy issues" is the simplicity of pegging a person into this small group. Society sees girls with these issues as broken, insecure, and cheap. I am none of those things and neither are a lot of people out in the world with dismantled families. It also gives some people the excuse to act a certain way. “I have daddy issues so I can be crazy about distrusting you and you can’t say a word about it.”

It is all a slippery slope that I don’t want to see anyone to go on. You are more than an abandoned father and should never use that as an excuse to treat others badly (including yourself). Everybody in life has certain issues that we have to face and they could be from countless things; environment, family, genes, and so on. You don’t hear people saying, “Oh, you must have society issues.”

I have/had a lot of issues that I have worked through and continue to work through. Yes, some of them came from a faulty father. Others came from me and the pressures I put on myself. Instead of giving an excuse to them I look at why this issue started and what I am going to do to fix it. It might take a week, maybe a month, maybe even a year; issues don’t go away without a little work from us.

However, it is hard to get better when you finally tell someone an issue you face and they automatically throw it away with the "daddy issue" term. Once you say this you have officially lessened their worth without even realizing it. You just gave that father more power over someone who spent years with a father powering over them. With everything that he did, they don’t deserve to have that label hovering over their head.

We need to change the way the conversation goes. If you tell me that your father used to do things and now you don’t trust others then I am going to LISTEN. That is the first rule; most people don’t need a reply, they just need a pair of ears and some understanding. When they do ask for help then try to be supportive and help through the problem, don’t just label and write off the issue.

I’m not here to say that you are a bad person if you have ever used this term in your life. I’ve used it jokingly on myself countless times. Like people say; humor is the best medicine. Yet, humor is usually a big way to hide the real pain that is hiding. Next time you have a friend use that on themselves or hear someone say that to another person make sure they know they are MORE than an abandoned father. You’d be amazed how that simple sentence can change the world for one individual.