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When the Sun Light Ends

Keeping Her Spirit Alive

By Melina EncarnacionPublished 6 years ago 3 min read
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It was around the time I was to be getting ready for school. But instead of getting ready for school, I was in an ambulance with my god mother, fighting with her to stay awake. The EMTs had to use the defibrillator on her to have her heart pumping. "Just let me sleep." She kept begging and I refused.

I previously lost my god father in his sleep, I wasn't going to lose her. "No, mom, You can't sleep. We have so much to do. We're moving soon! We're going to get our tattoos! Let's play the color game!"

She wasn't my mother, but she was my mom. No one ever understood our closeness. We were always inseparable. We shared a love for reading, vampires, halloween, baking, and West Side Story. She was my best friend, mom, and now she is my family's guardian angel.

Hours passed and not one doctor helped her, they just kept filling her with water through an IV. They told me I didn't know shit when I asked them a question. That I was too young to understand anything. They where wrong. She was swelling up. Finally when my grandmother got there, mom's last words to me were, "Thank you for taking care of me."

We come to times where we lose a very important person in life. Then there are times where we lose the very most important person that when they're gone, it's like the sun has died.

My whole family was destroyed when she passed. The one who was hurt the most was Grandma. That was her child. Her only daughter. Her funeral was like no funeral. It was a rainbow of colors, for she was known for loving colors. Lilies filled the room, they were her favorite flower. I was no where to be found in that room. She didn't look like herself one bit.

A year later, my dog died the same way and day she passed. I consider him the second most hurt. After all, he was also always beside her. When he passed away, it felt like I had no piece of remembering her.

Everyone says you can never keep the dead. Most of the time we forget that they were alive. We forget all the good things they brought to us. There are many ways to keep their spirit alive, as long as you know what they love. There is not a magic spell or crazy scientist that could bring my mom back, but love will always keep her spirit around.

I don't write this to ask for your sympathy. I write this to share mine. There is more to this story that makes it more horrible on my end. But the focus point is keeping someone who is far and no longer physically here, spiritually next to you.

I may not be able to dance like her, but I dance as much as I can push myself. Every moment there is an opportunity for cake, I bake it. The love she gave to her other god children, my husband and I give. It's hard at first, but then when the time comes, their favorite song doesn't bring you to tears. You can watch a movie and sing along with it's songs, with out missing your movie buddy. You can remember the steps to a recipe and the love you put in, might not always make it taste exactly how they used to make it. But its close.

Many tell me, "She's not your mother." No she's not. She's my mom. My siblings will never understand, nor will my true mother. But my grandma, husband, and I do. That is all that matters.

Not born out of her womb. Born from her heart. She raised a fighter. She raised a lover. She couldn't wait to grow old, have grandchildren, and walk me down the aisle. She can't grow old for her soul is forever young, But one day she will have grandchildren. She didn't walk me down the aisle, but her favorite flowers where in my bouquet.

It is hard to separate from the ones we love when they die. But as long as you keep the best memories alive, it feels like they where never gone.

grief
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About the Creator

Melina Encarnacion

I'm just your friendly neighborhood young person with an old soul.

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