When the "Deadbeat Dad," Really Isn't

It’s one of the saddest tales on Earth; a father who doesn’t care about or support their children emotionally or financially. The fathers want nothing to do with the children and move on with their lives without a care in the world. But what happens if the father wants to be there for his children, pays support, and does everything in his power possible to be there, yet because the father and mother are no longer together, the mother becomes bitter and dubs the father a “deadbeat dad?” This is becoming a trend that is spreading all over.

I am soon to be the stepmother of two amazing children. I will not give their names out for obvious reasons. These children are beautiful, smart, and I am not the only one who sees it. Their father loves them with every piece of his being, yet the relationship is complicated. He pays child support and wants to be a big part of their lives, but anytime something goes wrong, he is automatically called a “deadbeat dad” and she not only tells him this but the children as well. It puts a big strain on the relationship between father and child when this is happening.

You have mothers out there who tell their children several lies about the father to make the dad look like the worst person in the world. They tell the kids that the dad doesn’t care about them and doesn’t love them. They tell the kids that the dad is a horrible person and cares more about the other people in their lives.

These mothers can be telling the children these things due to numerous reasons. They tell their children that the dad was the reason the divorce happened. The kicker is, most of these cases involve a mother who cheated on the father but is very resentful about the whole situation and wants to place blame on everyone but themselves. The father isn’t going to tell the children what really happened, especially if the children are young. When this happens, the mom knows the dad is a good guy and won't say anything to tarnish the relationship between mother and child.

The whole situation might be hard on the father, but in the end, the kids are the ones who are being affected the most by this type of situation. In the end, they resent the mother and sometimes push that mother out of their lives. I have seen it happen with several of my friends who had parents like this. It’s not a fun thing to see. To think someone could dislike their own mom that much, all because the mom was bitter and insecure.

Kids should never be brought into financial issues and situations. They should not be brought into the middle of an argument between two adults. When those parents don’t live together and have been through a divorce, telling the kids things about the other one is something that can permanently affect your relationship with your child.

If you and the other parents or adults involved in your children’s lives are having issues getting along, they should be solved without bringing the children into the middle of it. You might be frustrated with the other parent, but telling the child bad things about that parent will not help anyone out in the end. Those children deserve so much more than that.

When a non-custodial parent wants to be there for their child, unless there is some legal reason that the parent should not be involved in a child's life, never push that parent out. It is important for children to have some sort of structure and when you have a bitter mamma telling the children how horrible the dad is, it’s a heartbreaking situation. Don’t be surprised when you have to pay for therapy. And definitely do not be surprised when your children decide that they no longer want you to be a part of their lives.

Author's note: When you are on the outside of this type of situation and see the father being manipulated in many different ways, it is tough to watch. The best you can do is be there for the father and children. Stand behind them and let them know they have your full support.

If you are in this position, know that you are not alone. Keep doing what you can for your children and remember, the more you show your children how much you love them, the more they will understand that you did not want this to happen and you love them very much. I wish you luck.