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When Teens Reach 18

Allowing your teen turned adult to grow and become a responsible adult. ("She" in this article is used retorically to represent growing up.)

By Carol TownendPublished 7 years ago 6 min read
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Growing up means embracing the swing of life with all its pitfalls and good times (My own photo of swings taken at Seashore Holiday Park in Great Yarmouth)

So your little one has grown up. Gone are the days of changing nappies and making so much mess you can't see the floor, sulks and tantrums... so we think! Your little one may be grown up, but still, she is going through a rollercoaster of emotions as she finds out about adult life.

My own daughter has just turned 18. She still has mood swings and can be a bit stubborn. However, you cannot just send an 18-year-old to their rooms for punishment, as they are no longer that "child" you gave birth to all those years ago, and besides, I think it is cruel to send a child to their rooms for being moody anyway. I am sure as hell we adults wouldn't like our partners or spouses much if they sent us to our rooms for punishment! So, instead of sending my 18-year-old to her room, I just give her space and take myself out of the situation if it gets out of hand. That way she has the freedom to work out how she can deal with sticky situations in an adult way, which allows her to make her own choices and respond in the way she feels is "mature."

I have a big issue with that word "mature." We all have a little immaturity inside us, it is how we deal with it that makes us mature in the first place. For example, many 18-year-olds enjoy drinking amongst other things because they are now 18 and at an age where they can buy alcohol at a bar in some places. However, we older adults do the same thing, although some of us know how far to go, where as some of us cannot control it. I'd say that the mature way of dealing with this, for my 18-year-old, would be not to try imposing a very strict rule on her (You couldn't anyway, she is 18 now and will do what she wants!), but to make sure she knows her limits, and help her become drink aware, that way she is encouraged to be responsible for her actions, and able to make her own choices while accepting the consequences of a bad choice.

Chores! This is a "swear word" in my house. No one likes them, not even me. However they have to be done, and your 18-year-old should be involved in them because it teaches her not to live in a house full of cobwebs or wear stinking clothes. However, I do find that all 18-year-olds become disgruntled with chores; after all, they have been able to rely on you to do things for them for most of their lives, and now they are 18, that means more chores! It is important to make sure your 18-year-old gets involved with chores, if they still live with you, but parents must remember they are still trying to find their own way in this new "adult world" too. I let my daughter decide which chores she will do and I don't do it all for her either. Instead, we negotiate it out between us, I wash up, she will dry and put the dishes away, I do the washing, but she makes sure her laundry goes in the basket on the landing. I have set days for washing, so if she wants something to do in between those days, she does it herself, although I will make allowances within reason occasionally. I don't always cook for her either, she does it herself, and if she gets stuck, I give her meal suggestions but she cooks the meal.

Now, at 18, teenagers want more freedom. This does not mean that you should encourage them to wild party all night, but it does mean that time limits still need to be negotiated. I tell my 18-year-old to be back before midnight, although there are some times, like when she is at a concert, that this can't happen; so instead, I get her to take her keys and her phone, and she is told to call me at least once so I know she is alright. This works well, as when she gets stranded, she knows I am there for advice but she also knows that she must own responsibility for herself.

When teenagers get to 18, they want more space. I found this a bit scary to start with. I was always worrying about who she was with, what she was up to, and also whether or not she will come home one night and tell me that she is pregnant. At 18, you cannot stop them from having sex, as they are way over the legal age, so make sure you teach them about protection, consensual and non-consensual sex, and pregnancy in their teen years. This was a bit difficult for me because my daughter had been living elsewhere and had returned home at 17 for reasons I can not discuss in this post. However, we did have that awkward talk, and I have been reassured that she has taken steps to protect herself, and I can be certain that she is not going to get pregnant anytime soon, and that she can defend herself against any inappropriate action from others.

The most difficult thing I had to deal with, and this occurred after my son reached his 20s, was "flying the nest." My son left a little later than 18, but when he did, it left a strange empty feeling inside me and the home felt different. He comes to see me, but this is a time when you have to realize that your children who you have spent most of your time bringing up are grown up, and now wanting lives of their own. I decided to use this time to build myself up, so I set myself a "life goal" and started studying. I also got involved with voluntary champion work which keeps me going, and I try to see my friends too. You will find that your now grown up children will come back to you when they are stuck. While it is okay to help them and guide them, you must limit how much you will invest in this phase, because if you do everything for them, they will revert back to depending on you again.

One last note, it is very difficult to see your teenagers turn into adults, but observing them do this can be very rewarding. My 18-year-old is now working, while my son who is in his 20s is at university, makes money from singing now and then, and is planning his future. This is an exciting time, it is where you see your teenagers or young adults grow and flourish, so rather than wallow in sadness, try to enjoy watching them succeed!

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About the Creator

Carol Townend

Fiction, Horror, Sex, Love, Mental Health, Children's fiction and more. You'll find many stories in my profile. I don't believe in sticking with one Niche! I write, but I also read a lot too.

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