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What World Breastfeeding Week Means to Me

I'm not afraid to admit that sometimes breastfeeding can suck.

By Rayelle PaulsonPublished 5 years ago 3 min read
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Myah, 2015

Both of my pregnancies went respectfully well. I've been told that I'm practically a pro at natural childbirth. Really though, my nurse with my first said “Some women’s bodies just know exactly what to do!” My midwife was so upset letting me go as a patient after my second that she wants me to have more. I'm cool with bragging just a bit, because on the other hand when it comes to breastfeeding, it didn't come nearly as natural to me.

I didn't do much preparing for my first baby. Breastfeeding is instinctive right? Seems simple enough... fast forward two weeks after birth, my nipples were in such bad shape, my daughter had a blood mustache at the end of each feeding. I shivered while she ate because it was so painful. I then made the choice to begin pumping. In reality I had to. Six weeks postpartum and my nipples were still not fully healed.

I also had to return to work at that point. Legally employers have to provide mothers time and space to nurse or pump. Let me tell you though, working at a retail pharmacy it was nearly impossible to pump as often as I needed, so by eight weeks I was struggling so much with supply and clogged milk ducts that I had to start supplementing with formula. I didn't quite make it to four months when I finally threw in the towel.

You see, at each and every “failure” I was broken. I didn't realize at the time that those feelings of failure were planted in my brain by society. But I swore with my next baby I would find a way to make it work.

Sienna, 2019

Almost four years later, I delivered my second baby girl. She came out sucking on her hands and latched right on. This time I came prepared. Nursing bras, organic nipple balm, loads of knowledge from articles, videos, and lactation consultants. I bought pillows, ice packs and warmers, wraps... but guess what, a week later I noticed the first bleeding crack. I shed a tear. I felt defeated, only for a moment. I decided that I would not wallow over it this time, because I did everything I could to prevent it. I needed to make a choice. Start pumping or try a nipple shield. The shield it was. And for the first time ever I had a painless nursing session.

Over the next six weeks I experienced what most nursing moms do. Cluster feeding. Counting dirty diapers. Obsessing over if baby is getting enough. Until I found out at her doctor's appointment that she was indeed not getting enough. She wasn't gaining sufficient weight. It's likely the shield prevented her from fully stimulating and emptying the breast, therefore killing my supply.

I left the office bawling. I felt like I had unknowingly starved my baby. The choice was easy. I was going to pump to know for sure she was getting all the milk she needed. It was tough work getting my supply back up, but we're going four months strong. It definitely helps that I'm now a stay at home mother. We take it day by day, and if tomorrow I decide I'm done, I know I won't take it so hard.

Of course breastfeeding does come naturally to some mothers. They have virtually no issues, and they really enjoy it. Then there's ladies like me who experience nearly everything that can go wrong, and I definitely have a love/hate relationship with it. I love that I am providing my baby with the best source of food known to man, but the main word that comes to mind is sacrifice. I totally understand when moms choose not to breastfeed. We already sacrifice so much as mothers, and although it's so worth it, it can be so, so hard.

So happy World Breastfeeding Week. To me it's a week to celebrate women, and the amazing things they can do and the sacrifices they make. It's encouragement to continue on, and a reminder that it's okay if you just can't.

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About the Creator

Rayelle Paulson

Rayelle and her husband live in Ohio with their three children. She enjoys her family, food, and deep conversations. Find her on Pinterest.

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