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What Role Does Your Boyfriend/Girlfriend Play in Your Child’s Life?

A Look into Co-parenting and Dating with Children

By Allison CopelandPublished 6 years ago 3 min read
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The story of Aniya Day-Garrett simply breaks my heart every time I read about it. This four year old angel was brutally murdered at the hands of her mother Sierra Day and her mother’s boyfriend Deonte Lewis. The medical examiner classified the death as a stroke in result of blunt force triuma to the head. The story gets even more devastating because the child’s father was in the middle of a custody trial with the mother. He had documented police reports and witness reports from the child’s daycare & nothing happened to get this child away from her abusive mother & “play father”. The American justice system failed this poor man & his precious daughter.

It made me wonder why women allow their boyfriends to be disciplinarians to their children. What makes a man acceptable to really fulfill those parental duties? In this case they are both wrong, if it was the child’s biological father who aided in her demise he’d be just as guilty. I just want to explore the mannerisms women tend to have in regards to dating men and having them play the father figure to their children.

I’ve witnessed women get into relationships with men, introduce the man to their children & immediately have their children address this man as “daddy, step-daddy, uncle, Mr...” etc. I agree that men should approach a single mother with whole intentions to accept her & the children as his own; but only if this is the women he has shown he wants to marry.

It is not fair to these children, to have to interact with men of no true value to their well-being, and by that I mean helping to teach the child morals, respect and integrity and not just to boss around because the mother is allowing him to do so.

Real mothers can usually spot out a man that interacts well with her child. It’s evident in the way the man greets the child, speaks to the child, the conversations and interactions should always be positive and encouraging not just being territorial and intimidating.

We women get into relationships with men and obviously see the signs of toxicity and abuse, and ignore it. That is the wrong example to show your children about relationships. There’s no doubt in my mind that Aniya had seen her mother and play father have physical altercations, those are probably what led to in her getting abused as well. I know women who put men before their children, running at their every call, sometimes putting a crying child down just to go rub his back. Single mothers need to realize the signs of a man jealous of a child, and recognize that it is not conducive to her child staying with a man who is going to make her choose between the two.

Other signs to look for is if the man is clearly resentful to the biological father having any involvement with the mother and child.

I’ve seen men degrade a child’s father, while cussing and chasing his mother in a violent rage.

A real man would accept the child and whatever situation comes with that child, that being said if the child’s father is an active parent women should never try to intervene with that. Women should never allow their boyfriend to speak negatively about the biological parent in front of the kid. Women should take the concerns of their coparents seriously. There’s evidence to prove Aniya’s father tried in every way to obtain custody of his daughter. Why didn’t the mother just allow the child to go with her father? Could she have hated the child that much? Was she using the child as a pawn with intent tocause pain to the father? That innocent baby snatched from life because of A bitter Betty baby Mama and her pretend husband. It’s down right disgusting and horrible to think of all the pain that child endured. I can only imagine the heartache the father feels having to bury his only child. I pray justice is served for this family and single mothers we should all hug our babies tighter and really evaluate these men before introducing them into our children’s lives. Furthermore postpartum depression is real and there’s no real timeframe as to how long it can last, women should definitely seek counsel in someone if they feel like harming their children & or themselves. Lastly if there’s an active coparent trying to be involved in his or her child’s life LET THEM! end of story, it’s not fair to the child to be deprived of a life with their other parent because of someone’s irrelevant emotional feelings.

It’s time women check themselves more.

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About the Creator

Allison Copeland

Aspiring Author, Radio & Media Personality, podcast host for Real Tea With AllieJay

Sharing pieces of my testimony through writings of my experiences.

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