What It’s Like Growing Up with Deaf Parents

Coda, or Koda, may be a term completely new to many of you. Coda stands for children of deaf adults, or Kids if spelt with a K.

Being a Coda is a huge part of who I am, so I would like to share some of the different experiences I have had growing up. The first thing I noticed as a child was how my parents interacted with parents or teachers at school. My friends' parents would all talk to each other, discuss if their children would like to have sleepovers, etc. But because of the language barrier, my parents were not involved in those kinds of conversations. And when it came to conferences, either there was an interpreter present, or I interpreted. When I interpreted, you bet I was an all-star student — straight A’s. All jokes aside, even though it was different, it was great — it was, and still is, my life.

Don’t get me wrong, though, there definitely were challenges. For example, one of my friend’s parents would not let their child come over for a sleepover, due to the fact that “her parents can’t hear, and I don’t want you two sneaking out at night.” That still bothers me to this day, because many people are so uneducated about the deaf community. Just like the hearing community, there are both good and bad parents. My mom would come check on us at night if I had friends over, so no, we couldn’t sneak out at night. My parents did a damn good job raising four children.

The town I was born and raised in has the Minnesota State Academy for the Deaf. So even though my parents did not interact with some of my friends' parents that were hearing, they sure did interact with my fellow Codas' parents. I loved that feeling. Codas have a unique bond due to shared life experiences as do Deaf people throughout their community.

We’re in the middle. Codas are somewhere in between the hearing community and the deaf community. We speak and sign on a regular basis. Our whole life we experience situations due to being Codas. Sometimes we’re teachers, such as teaching our friends funny signs in American Sign Language. Other times we interpret for our parents.

I would like to shed some light on that last sentence. Even though we may interpret for our parents, it does not mean they cannot speak or do things for themselves; they are capable. They can do anything except hear, that has always been one of my favorite quotes. Codas are frequently asked ignorant questions about their parents throughout their life. Here’s a few of the most common ones: “How did you learn how to talk?” “Can they drive?” “Can you sign?” (proceeds to make random gestures with their hands thinking it means something). One more for kicks is when telemarketers would call and ask to speak to a parent, and when you said “they’re deaf,” they heard “dead,” and would say “I’m so sorry.”

Educate, educate, educate. I can’t say that enough. This article can't shed light on all topics regarding Codas and the Deaf community, however, it can help people’s curiosity to research and educate themselves. Even if you only interact with a Deaf person once, knowing thank you in ASL could make their day. It’s simple. ASL is not like other languages, it’s not verbal, it’s visual. Someone fluent in Spanish or German may be able to say some words in English, but ASL is different. Teach your children to be curious, but respectful; you wouldn’t want people staring at you every time you go in public, so don’t do that to us.

Thank you for taking the time to read this. Please share! Be kind to one another.