What I Wish I Knew About: Being a Single Mom and Dealing With a Breakup/Divorce

I have been a single mom for 48 days and holy crap is it hard. Suddenly being thrust into being a single parent is one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. Dealing with my divorce on top of that has felt like a nightmare. How am I supposed to take care of a little person when I feel like I can't even take care of myself? Well, I've (sort of) started to get used to it. I have a long way to go but here is some advice I have picked up so far.

Find your people.

You need to have your people. Friends, family, people you haven't seen in forever. Reach out and don't try to do this alone. Of course, you can't be into dependent on others, but they will make the process so much easier. Some of my best friends now are people that I hadn't seen in at least 4 years. I have found that when it comes down to it in a situation like this people want to be here for you. Try to find friends with kids so they understand what your life is like. Allow yourself to cry with them but to also have fun with them! And it's a bonus if the kids can have play dates together (it's saved my life). I know at first you don't want to be around people, but you know what's good for you, you just need to do it.

Accept the loneliness.

The loneliness has been killing me and I'm sure it hasn't been easy for you. At first, I tried to fill the empty space my ex-husband left with my friends. That will only get you so far. You need to feel that loneliness and accept it. Don't isolate yourself but don't try to fill all your time with people to avoid being alone with yourself. Process it, feel it. Accept that it is there and that it's a fleeting emotion. It won't last forever.

Don't beat yourself up.

You are not going to be at a Martha Stewart level of having your shit together right now. THAT IS 100% OKAY. I can't stress that enough. Do your best. Screw anyone who tries to tell you that you should be doing better. Right now is a horrible time with Thanksgiving, Halloween, and Christmas coming up. I feel like I'm just not mentally prepared to have Holidays. That is completely okay. We need to give ourselves a break. A time will come where we find our new normal and have it all together. But accept the fact that today might not be that day.

Fill the void.

Every ending is a new beginning. This is a time to do you. Follow your dreams and all that crap. Love yourself. I plan on going back to school. Will it be 10 times harder to do that as a single parent? Undoubtedly. But this is my time to work on me and become the woman I've always wanted to be. I urge you to take a leap of faith in yourself. Yes, this is all incredibly cheesy but it's true.

"Just focus on your child."

If I have one more person tell me to just focus on my child I'm going to scream. Don't get me wrong, you absolutely need to take care of your child but you can't forget to take care of yourself. Otherwise, you will run yourself into the ground. Your child can absolutely be part of your healing process but don't forget to take time for yourself.

EVERYONE has an opinion.

Everyone will try to give you advice. Some of it is good but you get to a point where it's just frustrating. Don't scorn people for trying to help, because that's all they are trying to do. It's impossible for anyone to know your situation because every situation is different. Just take what people tell you with a grain of salt.

So these are the tips that I have found useful so far. I am still just starting on my path to healing but I hope that this can give you some comfort.