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It can really suck when someone hurts you.
You can gain a lot of trust issues from that, as I have.
Losing friends is hard, losing lovers can be worse, but nothing stings quite as bad as when someone in your own bloodline runs a knife down your back.
I have quite a large family, my grandma having seven sisters and one brother means quite a large amount of children can build up. So I have cousins, second cousins, third, fourth, even fifth cousins, that I personally know about. There could even be more than that roaming around somewhere, who knows?
Anyways, like any other family we have drama, we fight, and we all spread rumors we've heard about one another. Even though this does happen, we usually can all come together around a bonfire with a few beers and work it out.
But this little diddy, isn't one of those times, although I so desperately wish it was.
I have a cousin, a second cousin to be exact. She has a son, meaning, he would be my third cousin, according to family relations. But family relations mean nothing sometimes, because this little boy grew up right by my side, I considered him to be my little brother.
I watched his first steps, heard his first words, I put bandages on his scraped knees. I helped raised this boy for his first nine years his feet touched the earth.
You want to hear something unfortunate though, I have not seen or spoken to him in over eight months.
Why? Because his mother is a backstabbing, childish, manipulative human being with no remorse for her unruly actions.
When she didn't have a home we let her in, allowing her to live in our home—no cost as she was pregnant.
When she needed to work to survive, I watched her son every day for weeks on end.
When she felt lost, my father led her to help as if she was his own daughter.
But after everything we did for her, what does she do when we are unable to watch her son for one week because of personal issues.
She cuts us off for eight months.
No calls, no texts, no check-ins...no emotions.
About three months into the supposed hiatus, I received a call from my little cousin, he told me how much he missed me, and how he was sad because his mom wouldn't let him come see me. I told him I didn't know why, he said he didn't know either.
When he heard me getting choked up on the other side of the line, he told me not to cry because he loved me. He told me it would all be okay, he told me he would see me soon.
That was the last I have heard from him in months.
And to be honest with you, it fucking hurts, I miss my little brother.
Now, it has been eight months, with only one instance where she had called, and the only reason was to see if she could get some money to pay a car bill.
None of this has been said to her face, none of the words I'm about to write have come from my mouth to her ears, but one day I honestly hope they do.
Why? Why do you have to treat us this way. We did nothing but treat you with love, compassion, and forgiveness. We put a roof over your head, gave your child food to eat, handed you a safe space to bring your son as you worked for your single mother life.
Even after all that, this is how you decided to treat us. You took out hearts threw them into the pits of hell, and laughed as you watched them burn. Did you ever even care about us, or were you using our kindness this whole time.
What of this whole mess is the worst part though? The fact that your young son is a pawn in your messed up games. How could a mother use her child as collateral? How could a mother stand her child up almost as a prize to be won?
I fear sometimes, to get him to forget about us, you told him lies, you told him that we never loved him. Or we never cared.
I wake up in fear of this thought, I would never want that boy to think I never loved him. On my darkest days, sometimes he was the only thing that could get me out of bed. He is the only one that could make me smile when all I could do is frown.
My dearest cousin, how do you sleep at night, knowing you have caused so much pain? How do you lay your head down knowing that you have hurt the people that helped build you up?
That is a riddle I will never solve.
I will never understand why you have done this, or what we did to you to deserve this.
But please, if you see this, tell your son I love him, and please tell him he never deserved any of the bullshit you have put him through.
Love your broken-hearted family member,
So, yes. Family can and will take a cold blade to run down your back and dear God, does it hurt.
But I guess it's whatever, this just means there's less people I have to miss when I move far away from here, right?