Turning Two Worlds Into One

Ever since I can remember, I have dreamed of becoming a mother. When I was little I would cater to my baby dolls as if they were real life, fragile babies. I couldn't wait until I could have kids of my own one day. It's like I've had baby fever since I was just a little girl.

When I first met my now fiance, I knew he had a son. Unlike some girls, it didn't bother me and I couldn't wait to build a life together, just the three of us. We had talked about what our life would be like; all the adventures we would go on together, the memories we couldn't wait to make. Once we got serious I decided to move over 400 miles away to start this life with my then-boyfriend.

Moving was hard. I had never lived more than an hour from my family and it was difficult for me to get used to. I couldn't stop by my grandparent's house for a homemade meal or spend time with my sister who is my best friend. I figured I would get used to it and I wouldn't be so upset since I was starting a new life with the love of my life and his son.

But boy, was I in for a surprise. Never in a million years did I think being a stepmom would be so difficult. The first whole year was very challenging for me. My stepson wanted nothing to do with me at first; he only wanted Daddy. I would push the shopping cart with him in it, and he would kick and push me away. When he was hungry, I'd offer to make him something and he would refuse to eat unless his dad made it. I couldn't even strap the boy in his carseat without him throwing a fit.

I felt so unwanted and many nights I would excuse myself from the movie we were watching and go cry in the bathtub. It may seem silly but if you have ever become a step-parent, you can probably relate. The beginning is so tough. You have to basically sell yourself to this child that doesn't belong to you.

Admittingly, there were times when I wanted to just give up. I feel horrible for saying this but I would dread the weekends when he came over. It was just so hard for me to accept the constant rejection, especially after I had moved two states away from MY family and MY life to be with this little boy who didn't want me around.

Many nights I would pray for things to get better and many days I would feel like it never would. There were two ways around this: I could continue to feel sorry for myself or I could go out of my way to bond with my stepson and make things better. I chose the latter.

Nothing worth having comes easy so I'm not sure why I thought parenting, of all things, would be easy. It took a lot of time and dedication to form an actual bond between the two of us. I started including him in everything I did and he started opening up to me. My fiance would always say, "You need to treat him as if he was your own son" and one day I took those words to heart. I made the decision to be with this man, so I needed to accept this little boy as if he was my own.

Honestly, it took about a whole year for us to really form a good bond. Once we got used to our new life and accepted each other, things changed for the better. I make sure to spend one-on-one time with my stepson and it really does bring us closer. I thank God every day for that little boy, for he is the one who made me a mother for the first time.

In the three short years that I have been with my fiance, we have grown so much. We have overcome obstacles that would have made others run. From going steady, to getting engaged, to welcoming another son together.

To all those struggling as a stepmom, never give up! The process is so tough but so, so rewarding. The child(ren) will grow to love you for who you are and accept you, and in return, you will do the same.

There will be days where you want to run from the chaos and never look back. There will be times you won't be able to control your sadness because it is so overwhelmingly hard. When you are struggling, think of the bigger picture; the future that awaits you and your family. Every bit of your struggle is worth it in the end when you can look around at your family and say "we made it."