Turkey Twizzlers or Chia Seeds, You're Probably Doing a Good Job

Today, I had a moment of wonder whilst watching my children play. I was in the (lovely) house of my good friend, our other good friend was there, along with three two year olds, one one year old, a nine week old and a baby belly (mine). I looked at them as they scattered stickers all over the place, making a trail of mess, and felt so full of happiness.

There was a time in the very recent past where today would have been a different experience for me. I would have noticed how nice my friend's house is and thought of how lowly my flat is in comparison, I would have seen my friend's kids behaving well and my two rowdy little boys and felt embarrassed, I would have looked at the food she made and felt guilty for the amount of things we eat these days that come from a packet. Instead, I greedily ate the food, enjoyed the lovely surroundings and admired all the different personalities presented in the various children.

I suspect it has always been like this in some way, but it seems like parenthood is often this big test, where some unknown authority is constantly moving the bench marks of what is acceptable and expected ever further from what's attainable and frankly, perfectly fine.

Good parenting follows a basic structure: feed them, keep them clean, clothe them, give them shelter and love them. It seems to me however, that someone has sneakily come in from the sidelines and scribbled a bunch of footnotes to all of these things.

Some people breastfeed, some people use the bottle, some people do both in their time. Some people serve homemade food at all times and don't allow sugar, whilst others use biscuits as a reward (ahem...). Some people slather their kid in coconut oil after a bath and some people believe in dunking them into a vat of over the counter cream where they really couldn't tell you the ingredients. All over the world you will find happy, loved children who's lives look different. Whilst it is probably not a good idea to use medieval punishments and feed your children a diet of Vodka and Vindaloo, giving them chips for tea one night or occasionally locking yourself in the bathroom when you need a minute, is not going to do them harm.

If you are a lavender scented, sling wearing, breast feeding, coconut oil using, avocado eating, co sleeping parent, power to you!

If you are a dry shampoo scented, buggy pushing, bottle feeding, Sudocrem aficionado, biscuit serving, cot using parent, power to you!

If, like most, you fall somewhere in the middle, power to you!

It is so incredibly easy to get caught up in growth charts, milestones and current guidelines. We question whether our children sleep enough, eat the right things, talk enough, walk enough and socialise the right way. Whilst at times, monitoring these things is a useful tool to diagnose problems, it can also just be another stick to beat ourselves with. Possibly the biggest pressures we face come from within ourselves. We put standards on ourselves that we would not expect of others and are harder on ourselves when we perceive that we have failed. There is a whole massive scope of things that constitute 'good parenting.' The important thing is to find the thing that works for you and your family, be secure in that fact and let all else brush past you. People make horrid comments, regularly in fact, and it sucks. It can knock your confidence and make you doubt yourself in an already insecure area. The chances are though, that you are someone's 'but they do this.' We all have them. Parents who we see as being perfect, who we use as the example. The truth of the matter is, you are someones example. There is, almost for certain, something you do regularly which someone else thinks constitutes better parenting than they do.

Whether you serve them white bread sandwiches or cacao mousse, tuck them up in your bed or lay them down in theirs, took them to a baby signing class in a sling or pushed them in a buggy to go down a grubby slide for half an hour of fun, it all comes down to one important thing.

Love.

The feeling when you kiss their forehead and their hair brushes against your face, when you bury your face in their pyjamas and they smell all clean from the bath, the moment they turn and look at you with a triumphant grin as they discover something new (even if it is a crisp packet from the bin), is the same worldwide. Regardless of all the charted data in the world, that all encompassing love you feel, the willingness to do anything for them and indeed, the constant questioning of yourself, is the very thing that makes you a good parent.