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Trying to Live with a Dying Heart

Life After Being Diagnosed with Congestive Heart Failure at 20

By Francesca JoiePublished 5 years ago 6 min read
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My little family, 15 minutes post delivery

So I'll be straightforward with my situation. I am a 20 year old woman, with a 6 week old baby girl, and I'm just starting to really live my life. Of course, 20 years old with a baby isn't how I originally pictured my life when I was in middle school, telling my friends my goals and dreams. More like, how my life is, is what I was trying to avoid. But! It is amazing nevertheless.

Now, my pregnancy was pretty great. I only started showing when I was eight months pregnant, I gained only 24 pounds, no crazy cravings, I worked through my entire pregnancy, the whole shabang. The day my ninth and final month of pregnancy began, it all changed. My body that was already working hard for two, was starting to fail on me. I was tired WAY MORE than usual, I was having a hard time eating, and my Braxton-Hicks were horrible.

With it being my first pregnancy, I had no clue what to expect for labor. So three times I went into the ER thinking I was giving birth. The first at 37 weeks, then at 38, then at 39. I was discouraged. More than discouraged, I was mad. Not because my baby wasn't there yet, but because the doctors and nurses at my hospital treated me like crap. And it wasn't the typical, they were too busy to take care of, more like, the second I walked in, they turned their noses up, laughed at my age, and told me to reevaluate my pain tolerance. If any of you have been in labor, you know that a doctor telling you to reevaluate your pain tolerance is utter bull. False labors are nothing to mess with, they not only mess with your mind, but your body goes through a lot, even if it is false. Now, after three times being sent home and told I'm not gonna have my baby yet, I was done. I wasn't going to go the hospital until my water broke, at least that was my plan.

The day my true labor started, my contractions started at 6 AM. Let me tell you, I knew that was it that day. I was 40 weeks and 5 days along. The second I woke up in pain not being able to breathe, I knew my baby was coming, but I was still scared to go to the hospital, in fear that it was all in my mind. So I waited, for eight hours. At 2 PM I went to my OB for a checkup and told her that I felt like I should go to the hospital, she checked me, I was 1 CM dilated. She told me to go home and wait it out, because my baby wasn't going to come that day. Was I angry? Yes. Was she right? Hell yes.

Four more hours roll by and my contractions got so bad that I was crying, like paralyzed by pain, couldn't speak crying. I called my mom the second the contractions paused and she rushed me to the hospital, a different one than I planned on delivering at. I got there, they admitted me fast and the on-call doctor came in as soon as he could. And...

HE ADMITTED ME!! Finally my baby was officially coming. I can go on with my labor and delivery story, but to cut it short, 40 hours of contractions and labor, and I still had to get a C-Section.

So, 3 days after my Cesarean, I was sent home with what was supposed to be a clean bill of health, and only pain. Not even a week after discharge, I was back at another hospital with shortness of breath, high blood pressure, and swelling so bad I couldn't fit any of my shoes.

All of my symptoms I brushed off as side effects of my pregnancy and delivery. Sadly, even though they were, what was really wrong with me is this rare condition called PPCM, or it's actual term Peripartum Cardiomyopathy. Congestive Heart Failure caused by my pregnancy. There isn't a way to catch this unless there's an EKG, or a CT scan, so there wasn't any way to prevent it. Doctors call this condition a silent killer. Now, if it is pregnancy related, it should reverse itself after months on medication, a low salt diet, and a doctor's note to relax and take it easy. But of course life makes it hard to do that last part.

Women don't know about this condition, this possibility of getting this during or post pregnancy. My family is full of heart conditions, we're ridden with it. And even none of them knew that pregnancy can cause this. Now, it's hard to say what really made this flare up. Weeks before giving birth, I had all the symptoms, and now that I think about it, my false labor pains came from the middle of my chest, which could have also been the top of my uterus, but who knows now. All I know is that I had symptoms for weeks, they just also aligned with symptoms of pregnancy.

But think about it, 20 years old, brand new baby, and now heart failure. Even now, I can't wrap my head around it. Since my diagnosis, I've been on 7 medications, 2 of which were antibiotics just in case I had pneumonia from the extra fluid. I lost 30 pounds within three weeks of my baby being born, my appetite has finally come back, my heart feels normal, but it's not. Everyday is a struggle, having a newborn doesn't make it easier either. I can sleep a full night's rest, and still be exhausted after being awake for an hour, I can't even rock my baby to sleep without my mom or my fiancé taking over because I almost pass out from the act of it.

No one tells you about this. Having a baby, no matter what, is putting your life at risk. But us who know this already and accept the possible consequences, are not told of this one. Of surviving, but still barely surviving.

My daughter, is my everything. Now, she's my reason to keep living, to keep my heart beating. Even with the tiredness, I'm up with her in the middle of the night, wide awake feeding her and playing. With the dizziness that comes and goes, I still stand as long as I can to rock her, so she can fall asleep like she's floating. With the lack of sleep, I still clean up as much as I can, so that way her home is a clean home she can be safe in. I go back to my work next week, not because I want to, but because I have to be able to provide for her. This is my life now, trying to live with my heart that might fix itself, but it also might not. I just have to take it one day at a time.

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About the Creator

Francesca Joie

20 year old mom, just sharing my life and what I experience!

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