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To Baby, From Mommy

I will always love you.

"Ten fingers and ten toes with big eyes and a little nose...a bubbly smile and a laugh full of happiness is something that most women wish...a little body full of warmth and love that she would call a blessing from up above...Sleepless nights turn into bliss from a mothers comforting kiss..." the pen stopped on the page as she looked upon it with a hazy gaze. Vacant of thought, a hand went to her belly...it jiggled slightly as if made from jelly. Giving a heavy sigh, she tried not to cry, trying to focus the words within her mind. The urge was high to get them down as the snow outside, fell gently upon the ground. It was the day of Yule, a happy time but sad thoughts filled her heart and mind. She did not wish to take the path she had chosen, but she felt it was the right time for where her life was going. With another heavy sigh, she put pen to paper once more...jotting down the words for her baby's letter...

"Innocent and alive, wild and free, it doesn't look as though there's a single worry...this might change as one grows older, but because of this, one becomes wiser...things will not always be fair in this life as there may be tons of strife...but with each day it'll slowly become easier, all the worry and burden becoming lighter...dearest sweet one, these are the words to the last lullaby, the last song...but not one moment went by where there wasn't love, not one moment went by that wasn't shared in a hug...and for right now, it's not the time, but this is not, in the least bit, a final saying of goodbye..." once again, the pen came to a halt on the paper as her hand was not steady from all of her shivers. What could she possibly write after that? What could she tell her baby that she already hadn't? After a second, after a spell, she placed her pen back to the paper, the ink beginning to swell.

"Dearest little one, what you might not know...is just how much mommy loves you so. Not a day will go by where I wont think of you...even with what has to be done, what I have to do. There, there, precious baby, everything will be alright...when the right day comes, you'll be back in my life. Then, you'll know the depth of my love...in every single kiss and in every single hug...Even if you do not come back to me and go to someone else, I hope that you are cared for and loved above all else...two months I had you, two months you were with me...my two special months of heaven as well as misery. It wasn't anything that you did, my lil one...certain things need to fall into place before your life can start, before it has begun...even so, know this, lil one...one day we'll both be under the sun...one day you'll be in my arms forever more...and then, my dear, I shall never again let you go..."

As she wrote this very last line, tears seemed to fall in time...two hit the paper and she pulled back from the table as though she did not wish for anything to happen to the paper...she then picked it up, cradled it to her chest along with the picture of the ultrasound, clutching it to her breast...outside she went, the air holding a chill, but none of this did she really feel...on the ground beside a hole she had dug earlier was a box of polished, cherry wood. In went the picture after she gave it a kiss as though she was making a silent wish...then in went the paper. Last but not least...she covered the moist earth over it, saying a final goodbye in the letter to baby...from mommy...