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Tired of You!

I'm done and I'm never coming back.

By Ameenah M.Published 6 years ago 14 min read
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I'm a single mom who's always trying to do the right things. I'm in my second to last semester at my community college that I've been in since I got out of high school. I had to quit my job because it was so stressful, I got gastritis. And my biggest problem is my daughter's father because I'm constantly bending my back for him and when has he ever done the same for me? Never!

When he was unemployed because I couldn't sacrifice my job for not having childcare, who supported him? Me.

When does he ask if I need anything from the store since I don't have a job and living off of my savings? Not once.

When he was home all day with our kid and when I got out of my ten-hour shift he always had a grocery list for me and didn't care about how I felt. He could've gotten it himself if he wanted to, but he was so lazy and I got it anyways, no matter how exhausted I was.

When he didn't have a job, he asked for video games, movies, and fancy dinners. Now I'm the unemployed one and I would test him by jokingly saying, "You should buy this for me."

He laughs and says, "When you get a job then you can get it yourself." Damn, okay. Like an idiot, I gave him everything he asked for, but he could never do the same for me. I even paid for his college tuition and wrote papers for him, helped him with homework, but it was a chore to ever help me.

Who made him breakfast at my apartment because he was too lazy to do it himself? Me. And only see that him, my daughter, and his family had a barbecue and he didn't even invite me. He calls me to brag about how they had so much food they had and he doesn't even ask if I'd want him to bring me a plate. So, I didn't say anything about it. Little did he know, I only had peanut butter and jelly sandwich for dinner. And it would've been nice if he offered something.

He doesn't pay rent—he's 22 years old living off of his parents with his two younger sisters. He has no car note, but pays car insurance $300 every three months and he gets a little over $900 every two weeks. He pays $350 in child support once a month, but when our child support case goes through, I'll only be getting half of $315 within the two week pay period. In the meantime, our daughter should be in preschool. He knows that I don't have a job and need our daughter to go to daycare because I need to focus on my studies to even get a job. And asking him to pay for childcare is too much to ask for. Even if he added $50 more to the $350, it would help a lot. And he would be paying weekly for something our daughter can benefit from. Something that will help her grow. He'd rather have his mom watch our kid at a store where she does fitness classes. Our daughter is watching YouTube the whole time she's there. Maybe playing with other kids with a little supervision, which I'm not comfortable with. I'd rather have my daughter be in school where I know that she safe with someone looking after all of the kids. Does my concern matter to my ex? No, it doesn't and it really sucks because there is no support whatsoever.

So, what I do when he's not willing to help? I allow his mom to watch our kid because I have no other choice. It's not like I can get childcare assistance, there's a year waiting list that I'm on for two different counties in my state.

I tried getting my daughter's health insurance off of his case because he's too incompetent to complete renewal forms and to submit them before their due. And he keeps the forms without completing them so he ends up never submitting it. So, instead of having him do it or keep calling me on how to fill it out, I can do it with no problem and send it through as soon as possible. Since I'm not on his case, I am not legally authorized to alter his anything. I talked to the county and the medical insurance company for two hours to get information on how to remove our daughter and I couldn't. I got them to resend the renewal forms and asked my ex if he can call to remove her so I can add her to mine, which doesn't take long to process. He doesn't want to! He gets offended by my request because he took it too personally. So, I threw my hands in the air and just said, "Forget it!" If anything happens to our child (God forbid) and he doesn't submit any forms to activate her insurance, then he's paying the whole bill, no doubt about it!

Don't even get me started with our schedule for our child! I have our child Monday through Friday. And he gets her Friday to Monday. He wants to pick up our child on his terms... only. And I hate that because it's not a consistent plan on his part. I would love to see our child on the days that he has her but I respect their time together and I don't want to get in the way of it. And I would want him to respect my time with her without stressing me out of his visitation. He cries about not seeing our kid during the week, but when I allow him to, his plans prevent him from coming over to see her and somehow it's my fault when I tell him to wait his turn because I'm sick of his excuses? We cannot have a set visitation schedule, because of his social life and that's far more important when he is supposed to be doing his daddy duties. He doesn't have a balance between the two. So I say, "You go have your fun on the days that I have her." No, he doesn't want that. He is conflicted from what he wants (his social life) vs. what he thinks/should want (be with his daughter), so he wants me to cooperate with him to rush what I have do if I'm not home for him to pick her up. And that's fair. His communication sucks so badly, I really think he has some screws loose in his head because somehow, he thinks that I am a mind reader.

I give him another chance. Then he tells me that he's not going to be picking up our daughter and tells me that he's going out of town. Doesn't mention where he's going and how long he's going to be gone for. And doesn't even mention that he's going to come over to see our daughter afterward. I had to shake out all of those answers out of him, like I'm interrogating him with loads of questions. I shouldn't have to do that! In fact, he doesn't even know where he's going, as he claims. His friends were talking about it on Snapchat, but he couldn't see it with his crappy phone. Excuses. I think it's all BS! He knows where he's going because he had to request time off from work for it. No one invites another person out of town without knowing where they're going and then he tells me that he's going to be back at 5 PM, yeah right!

Last week, we were friends with benefits for awhile after letting him into life after using me for convenience when he told me about a girl he was talking to from OkCupid. A couple of months ago, I was trying to talk to him about taking our daughter for a couple of hours during the week. He had plans to see that girl and blew me off, just to write this girl on Facebook. How did I know? I checked Messenger. I kept calling him to see if we could negotiate, but he was ignoring me. I was already worried and stressed out about school and at this time he only had our daughter from Saturday to Monday. So, I thought he'd want to spend all the time he could get, but told me to find someone else and if not he'll watch her. I got so pissed, I wrote his new eye candy and told her everything he was doing with me while he was talking to her. Yes, I meddled, but he overlapped her with me and that's not my fault he was so eager to get a girlfriend. So, last week, he was being sarcastic about my intelligence so I use that girl as a weapon. And he didn't like it so he didn't want to come over my apartment because of it. I asked why he was so defensive and questioned if they were together. He said that it's none of my business. Okay, well he was sleeping with me and could possibly be in a relationship. That didn't make me feel good at all because I'd prefer if he could let me know so we can stop sleeping together. Instead of telling me the truth, he calls it off so he doesn't have to explain anything.

I write the girl again, asking if they're together, because at this point I'm curious. I wasn't expecting her response. She hasn't talked to him for awhile. She already has a boyfriend. She felt like a rebound and didn't want to have anything with him. And for months, he led me thinking that he's friends with her and possibly leaning towards a relationship. I felt like he was playing mind games with me. I felt betrayed. Two can play that game!

He doesn't know about me knowing the truth. And he'll never know. I've been practicing for months to untangle myself from and to not allow him into my life for a brief moment, because he takes me on a journey of his craziness like this. I know for a fact that he blames me for getting in the way of a possible relationship. Yeah, he can do that too. He's not willing to hold himself accountable for overlapping me with the new chick. He won't take responsibility for trying to hurry up to be with someone rather close off what he had with me. But he wanted me there for something. And I've always told him that he can't have me and have a girlfriend and I'm selfish one? He could be with someone else now for all I know and using that girl from OkCupid as a shield too. I'm distracted about what's really going on. Or he didn't want me to know the truth; to know how embarrassed he is about it. Or maybe he felt like I was right about the girl in the first place. It really doesn't matter anymore because I'm sick of his toxic manipulation; just to blame me for his mistakes or his stupidity. I had enough of it all.

I can go on and on about all of the times he has betrayed me. And I can tell you about all the times that I've stayed fighting for him. I've been caught up in his messes for the past four years and I feel like I'm nowhere close to being done with him. He won't allow me to have my time with our kid because he cannot respect it. And when I say that it's best for us to wait our turns with her, he threatens to take me to court for joint custody, even when he cannot be committed to seeing our daughter every day which I allowed him to do. He'd rather have a judge decide our schedule fate when mine is constantly changing to improve me and my daughter's lives. He wants it his way, period. He won't meet me halfway. He won't compromise with me. In fact, I'm the one who is putting all the brain power into finding a job, scheduling for school, buying food, paying my car note and insurance, electric bill, and internet and taking care of our daughter's wants and needs. I cook breakfast, lunch, and dinner for our daughter, while his mom cooks for the household like a maid and he's living off of her for FREE! I'm the one who schedules doctor visits. I'm the one who makes sure all paperwork is completed and sent on time. And he gives me a hard time about everything. In fact, when our daughter is with him, she's hanging out with her young aunts and her grandparents. They do all of the work he's supposed to be doing. He takes advantage of her presence to just do whatever he wants other than being a parent. Give me a break, why don't you?!

Ever since he's been in my life, I've been in constant misery. I've got a lot of issues because I've been dealing with him. And I can't explain to you how stuck I feel. It seems like I feel I'm spiraling down a deep hole and I'm trying to crawl out, but he's making that impossible. He finds a way to fool me into thinking he's changed, that's he's nice—only so he can bring me out of my character to use it against me. To bring the worst out of me and he has no idea what's doing. He's toxic and he's literally sucking the life out of me. And I'm not bending my back for someone who cannot help and support me when it comes to our child. He's useless because I'm playing two roles as it is.

Here's how it's all going to go down!

When I have our daughter, I'm blocking him from my phone. No calls or texts to provoke me. And I uninstalled Messenger, so he can't call or text me through there. I won't get any of it. I'm limiting all contact with him personally. If my daughter wants to call her daddy, then I'll call him for her. He's at a point where I couldn't care less about how he feels, when he couldn't CLEARLY care less about how I'm feeling. He can take me to court and I'll explain to a judge that it's best for us to be parents separately because he's a toxic person to co-parent with. I'll be open about things about our kid like doctor visits, emergencies, (future wise) school activities, and such so he can be a part of her life. Or if anything happens (God forbid, like a broken arm, needing to go to the hospital in an emergency etc.), I'll inform him no matter what, as I hope that he does the same. It'll be up to him if he shows up or not. In that case, he cannot blame me—well he can, but I won't have to deal with it.

I may seem cruel or immature, but I have to start looking out for myself. My ex or anyone judging me for this can say I'm being selfish, but I'm DONE being selfless for people who don't deserve it. And being loyal to my ex's wants and needs, making it a priority for me to obey, is not fair for me because the way my ex treats me is unfair. And the way that I treat him is not fair at all. He must like for me to keep being mean or disrespecting him if he could at least try to meet me half way. His actions are cruel and I don't want to disrespect him in any way and keeping our distance is the best option for the both of us—for our sanity.

I've given him all the opportunities in the world to step up his game in being a parent. I've been willing to compromise everything with him when it came to our child, but he's never willing to cooperate with me. He either disagrees or thinks that I'm being stupid about something. Although I don't have a social life like he does, it doesn't mean that I have to sit around waiting until he's done catering to his needs rather having his child be his first priority. And yet, he gets offended and frustrated when our daughter doesn't want to go to him. Call me whatever you like, but I know that I'm a better person when I don't have to deal with his ass. He brings out a wicked side out of me that I hate so much and cutting him off to allow myself to be a good mom for our daughter is what I'm going to have to do. I don't rely on him whatsoever. I rely on his mom more than anything because she's the person who picks up our daughter on Fridays. She's the one who watches her while I attend my classes. She is the only support that I have on his side of the family.

So yes, action needs to be done and consistent. And I'm forcing him to respect our times that we get to have away from each other to prevent conflict, anger, and frustration. I'm doing both of us a favor because nothing good comes out of him being around me.

I wish him the best of luck in finding another partner.

I am determined in escaping out of this hole.

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About the Creator

Ameenah M.

A mother. A student. And a complete badass!

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