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Tips for Having Boundaries

Understanding the Complexities of Relationships

Feeling frustrated over navigating the relationships within your family?

Its hard accepting that nothing you do or say will ever change...

Here's a glimpse at how it felt for me

I can't rewrite the past or change what's to come

It's just too painful to keep believing that things will change

Its hard to want more and to never be able to see it happen

I love you more than most who have been in my life

I can't change what directions our lives are going 

It is just too painful to hope them the best and they still tear us down

It's difficult to bear a smile and wish the best but I do it anyway

I love you more so I hope and wish them the very best

I can't give you the things I think you deserve

It is just too painful to hear your voice and then to hear them

Its challenging to know better but to still want to react in anger

I love you more than my anger so I do nothing

I can't keep hoping that the family I want is the family I need

It too painful to believe that this is what I wanted from them

Its hurtful to even imagine if they weren't around

I love you more so I remain silent

I can't keep pretending that it's getting easier when it's not

It just too painful to keep ignoring my feelings 

It's painful to even expect you to do anything about it

I love you more so I don't ask you the things I've wanted 

I can't keep allowing what I want to cloud what is the reality

It's just too painful to allow the things I can't control to change me

It's shameful that of all the misery we've faced we are still faced with grief

I love you more than the pain I've had in my life

I can't imagine a life without you in it 

It just too painful to bear 

It's regretful that the end is always full of heartache

I love you more than you'll ever know

How it initially comes off as...

Hurt feelings and misunderstandings summed up the season in my life during a period that I felt wasn't worth my time or energy. It was almost like I felt I didn't have the time to do anything if it wasn't going the way I felt in my mind that it should have gone. It was between a person I loved dearly and the other person that I cared for, but they have never been in my corner. Broken and disappointed is how it felt when I realized that no matter how hard I tried to protect myself and the person I loved. It just never seemed to be enough and in the end, I began to feel like I wasn't enough. Thus, I began to distance myself from everything and in the pursuit of avoiding the pain and heartache that I thought would follow. I spent the next few years believing I had all the time in the world.

Fast Forward

Guilt and regret are all I had left of them instead of making the most of my time and accepting things for what it was. I didn't lose them at the same time but within the same year. I wasn't sure how I would ever recover from the hurt and the pain of thinking I wish I could have done things differently. My effort to avoid being hurt I avoided both of them and lost valuable time to savor the time I could have had with them. It's never easy admitting wrong and even harder with a cup of regret tickling the back of your throat. 

What do you do to avoid it in the future?

1. Understand you may feel like your right, but is it worth the price you may pay later.

Yes, I had strong reasons why I was trying to protect myself and the one person I loved dearly. I felt that the other person was a negative influence and from experience trouble always seemed to follow. However, what I fail to realize at the time was despite my feelings for the other person I shouldn't have allowed it to change anything with the person I did love. Instead of looking at what I did have, I looked at what I felt I should have had and that was to be right and make their relationship change. You aren't always going to love the people in others lives, but if you love the person you should find a way. Their feelings matter and just because you are right doesn't mean they need to hear they are wrong for feeling the way they do. 

2. Give your time

I should have never given up on my time with the person I loved. Time in this life is never certain and one day soon may turn into never again. Circumstances and life happen regardless of what we do and even when we don't do anything, but being present and giving our time to the people we love should always be our focus not the issues of everyday life. Life is messy enough on its own. 

3. Forgive Always

Forgiveness always seems harder than it really is, yet its really our pride that makes it seem like an impossible thing to do. Forgiveness should never be about forgetting the act but rather letting go of the hurt feelings an anger over the situation. Forgiveness should always come from a place of love and in my experience, we all need more love than we give away.

At the end of the day, love them and try to find a way to accept them for what they are and are able to do for you and try to believe in your heart that they may be doing everything for you that they are able to do.

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Tips for Having Boundaries
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