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Time Does Heal

If you let it.

By LeighAnn ConnorPublished 5 years ago 3 min read
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Hi, I would like to share a story of mine which is a little personal, it is a story about my grandfather. Four years ago in the year of 2014 he lost his battle with cancer. There was one time during his long struggle that the cancer was nowhere to be seen and yet somehow it made its way back into his body. This time the cancer came back even stronger than the first. I was 17 years old when he passed away, being that young and losing someone I had known all my life had a huge effect on my heart and my mind. Throughout everything I have a regret, one regret that will forever stick in my mind. Was it because I was in denial? Did I just not want to see him like that not or did I want it to be real? I will never know but it is too late to say sorry now.

Even though he will miss the rest of my journey on earth he will see me when we reunite in heaven one day. The days when he was in the hospital right before he got moved to Kitty Atkins my older sister and I stood in the family room as my grandma had some alone time with my grandfather. As I stared out the window at everything below I prayed silently to God, I prayed for him to save my grandpa and to heal him just because I was not ready to say goodbye. At that time I was to blind to see how selfish I was being. How could I pray for someone to stay on earth where there so much pain and evil instead of going on to heaven to be with the Lord? I was too young to see that God did save him. He saved him by taking him away from the pain and the suffering. Just because he did not keep him on earth did not mean that he did not heal him, I now know that.

For a long time I was angry towards God because he took my grandfather away from me when he was so young. It has been four years and I still replay that night that I said goodbye. I walk into my grandmother's house and see the empty recliner where he used to sit, I remember he would always tell me to stop biting my nails and to sit up straight. He will forever be with me in my heart, and on my mind. Every time I look up at the sky and see the sun shining through the clouds I will think of him. When I feel the warmth of the sun upon my face it will be as if he is there beside me.

When I pray at night time before I sleep I speak to God and ask him to tell my papa that I said hello and that I miss him. I will forever wonder if my grandfather can hear me, if his spirit ever comes back to earth to see how I am doing. If he is disappointed or proud of me. The first thing I always imagine me saying to him when I see him again is that I am sorry. Sorry for all the words I did not say, and for all the time I was not there with him. Perhaps in heaven you do not remember the bad times down here on earth. Perhaps you would only remember the good memories. If that happened to be true then I would not apologize to him for my mistakes. Instead I would run into his open arms and hug him.

My heart aches, but my heart is not broken. I know I will see him again and I look forward to that every single day. So never hold back in life because life is short. Do not forget your family when they need you the most. Love endlessly and have no regrets. If your heart is a little broken do not worry. Time does heal!

grief
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