Things My Son Says

Have you ever noticed how profound things can suddenly come out of a child's mouth when you least expect it? It's almost as though they are revealing the old soul that's trapped inside their little bodies. This has always fascinated me, so I decided to take a year and write down every funny thing my son said that totally cracked me up. He often catches me off guard with the witty things that he says, and I felt that I should record these lines so I could show him the evidence of his amazing calculating mind when he becomes an adult. I think he will be very proud that his innocent thoughts brought his parents joy and laughter at a very young age.

These are just a few of the highlights. He is either going to be a comic genius or I am high on kale smoothies. No matter what, you will definitely find something in here that will make you shoot milk through your nose for sure.

Today my son was trying to talk me into letting him sleep with me and his dad in our bed. He asked, "Why do the two of you get to sleep together and I don't have anyone to sleep with?"

I said, "because we are married, and when you get older you will sleep with your wife in your own house."

He said, "But I would miss you and dad. Well, that's too bad because I am staying here every day. "

He had tears in his eyes because he could not imagine ever leaving us to be on his own. He said “I would miss my air hockey game."

It was so touching and sweet that I had to let him sleep in our bed that night.

He is five years old.

3-5-2015

We were looking at some of Joshua’s baby pictures that he had never seen before when he said this…

"When I was a little baby my penis was so small, now it is bigger. Soon it will be a giant penis like daddy's.

I thought I would never stop laughing that day. My son is curious and inquisitive, and always wants to know more about his dad and me, so I showed him some wedding picture and he said…

“The wedding is where you met daddy, fell, and married.”

3-23-2015

I had just picked him up from school and this came out of his mouth.

"Mom since I'm older (he just turned six), can you tell me where the pee comes from in little girls?"

5-31-2015

We were having our special little church service and then…

"Why do we always have to do the service all the time? It can't always be about God and Jesus."

6-2-2015

I really get into my television shows and I guess I got carried away on this particular episode of Scandal.

"Mommy stop talking to the TV. The TV is just doing its job."

10-28-15

My son has started talking like my mom. "I hate to say this, but I don't want you to get upset. When I was driving I ran over some people in my video game."

12-26-15

“Mommy, may I sleep with you tonight in your bed?”

Me: No.

“But mommy, I feel more comfortable here and I feel like God in here. I feel special and important when I sleep in here. I feel like Jesus and God. I feel like I will never die when I sleep with you. I feel like a yellow garden with Pams growing in it. Please, I want to feel like a yellow garden of Pams. Please!"