Poop: that's what I am dealing with right now. This stage of toddler life, what I have deemed "The Toddler Poop Stage," is crappy for sure. For those that don't have kids (there are days I envy you), allow myself to explain... so that one day, should you conform to the social norm and have those babies, you can make special arrangements to ship them to Grandma's for a month or three.
The Poop Stage, if I really think about it, comes around once every four months or so. As a newborn, the goal is to get the baby to poop. And once a baby poops, not only is there a celebration, there's a scientific examination of sorts. What color is it? Does it stink? Is it a normal amount? Grainy? Hard? Too soft? Who would have thought that there would be so much that goes into something as normal as, let’s say, breathing? It's insane really.
Actually, poop was the main reason we took our newborn to the hospital. At just three weeks old, we found ourselves at CHOC, as our little one pooped too much that day, or so we thought. Ten diapers that day seemed like much too much for our first time parent, non-experienced selves. It turned out she was ok… perhaps a little backed up from ten days without a soil. Please keep this in mind should you find yourself in the same spot we did. Call your doc first. Poop is good, as long as the baby isn’t dehydrated or something of the sorts.
Following the newborn poop stage, you just have baby poop stage. Now, you are watching the poop to make sure it's still happening daily (if not more), and doesn't change too much as you introduce those delicious new foods. Alas, it always changes. It is going to change color. For sure! It’s going to explode out of diapers (that is always SUPER FUN) and it also might not come out at all (so sad when that happens!). It seems that there is always some sort of "issue," but it almost always turns out OK. Usually by this stage, little babies might hide in the corner, grunting silently by themselves, working hard trying to present that “gift” to you. (For the record, we have now coined the phrase "Doing a Lala" when another member in our household has to number two. Lala being the nickname of the baby.)
You’ll find from here on out that one of the main topics in your household will be about poop. Honestly, we talked about it daily, over meals, with doctors, with our parents, etc. Poop is a major topic. For you Moms and Dads reading this, you are laughing right now sayin’ “She is so right!”
And now, take me to where I am now, in Toddler Poop Hell. Care to join me? Oh it's SO fun! Today, while searching for Lala, I found her in the bathroom, diaper half-off, hands covered in the matter that should be in her diaper, and having just a grand time smearing it on the walls, on the bathtub glass doors, on the bathmat, and of course, all over her body... mouth included.
Gone are the days of celebration after poops, unless of course it's in the toilet. Gone are the days of consistency checking, or amount of times... it's all gone. Now, I just dream of unsoiled underwear and passing the diaper aisle empty handed at Target.
Take my advice. Send the kid to Grandma's house during this stage of Toddler Poop Life, otherwise you will end up like me, and most other moms, walking into bathroom disasters saying "Oh, S*@$!"