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The Reality of Postnatal Depression In Young Mothers

It's more common than you think.

By Jessica PalmerPublished 7 years ago 3 min read
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So here I go, another day of hating myself. Another day of wishing that I could do better, but not doing a thing about it. Hiding away, letting myself go, that's the reality of PND.

Both of my beautiful children were planned. I was with my partner for 2 and a half years when I gave birth to my first son. He was, and is, our world. When my son was a baby, I cried at everything. He was sick, I cried. He cried, I cried. He didn't take his bottle, I cried. I even cried because his scratch mit fell off and he scratched his face.

Everyone told me it was just "the baby blues" and that I'd get over it. First of all, the baby blues IS normal. Almost every single mother gets them in the first few days after giving birth. It's all to do with the dreaded hormones. But how do you distinguish the difference? When does the crying stop being the baby blues and starts becoming postpartum depression? When does isolating yourself become the usual?

I was in denial for months about having depression. I had visions of accidents happening to my baby, I would overreact to the slightest thing. I distanced myself from my partner and my family. I would get so stressed out when my baby cried I even shouted at him. Then I hated myself even more, I mean who shouts at a newborn baby? It was only when my relationship was on the line that I realised I needed help.

Needing help is not shameful. No one should ever be afraid to ask for help. The social services aren't going to come and breathe fire down your neck or steal your baby because you've asked for help. My GP was very understanding and immediately prescribed me with medication and referred me to counselling. Initially, I refused to take the tablets. I thought that I could give myself a shake and get myself out of it by myself. I couldn't. Things were just getting worse. I palmed off the idea of counselling as I thought it would be a waste of time. It got to the stage where I was getting horrid thoughts about hurting myself when I did things wrong and I decided it was best to start taking the tablets.

It says that they take 3-4 weeks for you to notice a difference. However, I noticed it in 3-4 days. I already felt so much better. I went to a counsellor and found that just by talking to someone completely unbiased and on the outside, that I was not alone and things were going to be okay.

Eventually, by my son's first birthday, I was better. I felt happier than I had in a long time.

Then came along my 2nd son, 4 years into my relationship. After a horrific pregnancy and an even more horrific birth, I knew I'd suffer from postnatal depression again. I wasn't ready to wean off my tablets but I had to when I discovered that I was pregnant.

This time, I thought I'd be ready. I started taking tablets as soon as I'd given birth. I wasn't going to let it get the better of me this time. For a couple of months I was absolutely fine. The last month or so, I've had a breakdown. Worse than before, I've had suicidal thoughts and most days I don't even get out of bed. My house looks like a bomb has been dropped on it because I can't face housework and all my eldest son does all day is watch endless hours of Paw Patrol because I don't want to do anything else. My health visitor and family members tell me I need to get out and take the kids for a walk or go to a mother and baby group. The truth is, I really can't do it. The thought of leaving the house scares me.

The reassuring thing is that I know it's just a storm. It will pass and the sun will shine soon enough. I managed to beat it the first time and I will most certainly beat it again it just takes time. Time is the healer of all things.

I'm sharing this story because I feel that women's mental health is something that needs to be taken seriously. The stigma around it makes it impossible to talk about. I'm reaching out to all you amazing mums. New, young, old, these feelings are normal. There is help out there and you are not alone.

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About the Creator

Jessica Palmer

I am a 21 year old happily married mum to 2 beautiful boys.

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