The Outlawed 'C' Word

When my husband and I had our first son, we made the surprisingly controversial choice to outlaw a certain ‘C’ word. At the time, no one quite understood our reasoning, and no one was really quite ready to oblige.

We are a couple that thrives on positivity. We go all in and follow our dreams as often as possible. When we had our son, we imagined instilling this same ambition into him. For some reason none of our babies came pre-programmed to be exactly like us. (Manufacturing error?) As he got older he started to limit himself tremendously. We would ask him to make his bed, and he would tell us “I CAN’T.” Of course, what he really meant was that it was difficult for him, or that he lacked instruction. We tried to teach him to ride a bike, and he fell a few times and decided once again, “I CAN’T.” This time it meant that he needed more time and practice. Our rule soon became that CAN’T was a bad word and it was banned from our vocabulary.

This is when we endured seemingly endless pushback from family and friends. Some would even refuse to limit the use of this word in front of our children. It was confusing to me that such a simple word caused such strong emotions among adults. Then it hit me. "Can’t” is the perfect excuse (although not the perfect synonym) for WON’T, and many adults hold that excuse dearly.

As the kids got older, we made the decision to homeschool them. When this becomes public knowledge the number one response we get is, “Oh I could never do that.” Is that true? Am I doing something so rare and amazing that absolutely no one we encounter could ever manage the feat? No, of course not. If any one of these people had CHOSEN to homeschool they would be handling it just as easily as the school pick up line. However, they have CHOSEN not to homeschool. They have chosen a schooling method that works best for their family and their schedules, but instead of discussing it further they choose to say they CAN’T. Maybe I’m being nit-picky, but the word itself just irks me. It implies that there is a want, but not a clear path to get there. If these families had truly meant that they wanted to homeschool but were having trouble navigating, I would have been happy to help!

We continue to teach our children that there is nothing they CAN’T do. Sure, they can sneak into the kitchen and eat sweets without asking, however that action is not without consequence, but they easily CAN. Every decision in your life is yours. You can rob that bank, you can eat that entire cake, you can bail on plans you made weeks earlier, you can quit your job. You decide not to do these things because those are not consequences you are willing to take. You are making informed decisions.

Similarly, you CAN start that business you’ve always wanted to. You CAN take that extra college course. You CAN make a trip and see the family you have been missing. It is just a matter of logistics, priorities, and planning. This is what we were hoping to instill in our children when we put this in effect, and so far, it has worked. They certainly don’t hesitate to tell us when they don’t want to clean their room, or when they need help formatting an assignment, but they never give up on a goal or project and that was what we wanted for them all along. If we can instill that mindset into them today, imagine what they can accomplish tomorrow. Imagine what YOU can accomplish tomorrow by outlawing this word today.