The Life of a Single, Working Parent

Being a single parent can be a choice you made or maybe it was something you never expected. Either way, it is something that no one could ever be prepared for. Being a single parent is hands down one of the hardest things anyone could ever have to do.

Now when I say “single parent” I mean a single parent. No child support, no custody agreement, no support system, no divorce... a purely single parent, since day one. (Not that I don’t respect other parents in these situations but it is not the same.)

For me, I didn't have much of a choice, the father of my child is not a good man and he would not have been a good father, so it is best that he stays far away and doesn't acknowledge us. However, that does not make it any easier on my son and I. For me, as the mother and the father, I struggle with so many different things. I have to work full time just to get by. I feel like I never get enough time with my son and I also feel like I have to be there even more in order to makeup for the time he will never have with his father. I know that I should work as much as I can now, while my son is too young to remember me being gone, but I can't stand the idea of missing everything. Like his first tooth, the first time he rolls over, the first time he sits up and walks and talks. All of it. I don't want to miss a second. However, I have too, I have to work and I have to grocery shop and I have to go to doctor's appointments and keep up with the house. I don't have a choice.

I am the entire support system, the money maker, the grocery getter, the prescription filler, the bath giver, the one who feeds and changes him. I am the one who reads all the stories, the one who tells my son how wonderful he is and how much he is loved. I am the one who wipes away the tears, the one who has to buy all the clothes, food, diapers and toys, the one who puts him to bed and the one who wakes him up. I am the one who fills out the paperwork, the one only one on his birth certificate, the one who makes all the decisions, the one who never gets to shower, eat, pee or brush my teeth alone. I am the only one that was there for my son when he had to stay overnight in the hospital. I am everything. I never get a break. The only time I have time to myself is after my son goes to bed and all the chores for the night are done.

I love my son more than anything in this world and I wouldn't change anything about him but it is hard. Everyday I find myself asking, "How do I do it?" I wonder how I am surviving. How was I able to feed myself this week? How did I find a way to get that extra money I needed for diapers? How did I find the time to make his baby food? How did I get here? Being a single parent causes you to question so many things.

Crying has become a big part of my life, but so has an unbelievable amount of love. The love I have for my son overpowers every single bad feeling I have about my life. I know that someday soon, we will be in a better home, with a better life and better pay. I know that I am doing all I can to change the situation we are in but it will take time. I know that someday I will look back on our life and I still won't know how I did it, but I will have done it and we will be okay. We will be great. Everything we are going through now will have been worth it. We will not only survive this life we were given but we will master it, we will exceed all expectations because that is who we are.