The Grief That Keeps on Giving

For those of you that haven't lost a parent, I envy you. I sincerely do. I don't care if you don't like them or if you don't get along with them or whatever, I am so very jealous of you. My dad died on February 18, 2017 and I remember that day like it was yesterday. I remember crying hysterically and feeling like I wasn't able to breathe. I remember feeling not sad, but just... utterly devastated about what just happened. But most of all, I remember feeling numb. Completely numb. This month marks 8 months since he left us and I still feel like it just happened yesterday.

My sister called me at 5:30 in the morning and said Dad wouldn't wake up. I didn't know what was going on and I didn't really understand what was happening because I had just went over to the house the night before and he was fine. He was alert and talking, nothing out of the ordinary was going on. It literally all happened in less that 12 hours. From the time I left their house to the time I came back the next morning was less than 12 hours.

When someone says "everything can change in the blink of an eye" they're not kidding. That's exactly what it felt like. My father's passing was so sudden that most of the time when I go back over to their house to see my mom, I have to remind myself that he won't be there. I still have hope that he'll just come back even though I know in my heart that's not realistic. I lost my father in the blink of an eye. One minute he was there and the next he was gone. Sure, he was diabetic and had some kidney issues, but they were under control and he was doing better. The kidney problem and diabetes weren't even the root cause of his death: he had a heart attack. I'm sure those didn't help much, but they weren't the initial cause of death.

If I have learned anything from my father's death, it's this:

Number 1: Don't Take Your Parents for Granted

They're going to annoy you at times and test you and push your buttons, but I promise you, they're only trying to help. They're your family and they'll do anything for you. If you haven't seen them in awhile, go say hi to them, call them, whichever it may be, but do something because before you know it, you might have lost your chance to do so. I never verbally got to say goodbye to my dad and that's something that I'm sure will bother me forever.

Number 2: It's Okay to Ask for Help

When you lose a loved one, everyone you know will tell you how sorry they are and if there is anything they can do to help. LET THEM. Listen, when my dad died, I honestly thought I was going to have to deal with it on my own. I thought no one else was going to understand how I was feeling, which was kinda true. But my family got together to take care of my mother. They made her food for about a month and my sister and I made sure she ate it. People are there to help you. Whether you want them to or not, they're going to try. They'll make you food and take you out to dinner and try to take care of you any way they can. So sometimes you just need to let it happen.

Number 3: Let Yourself Grieve

I mentioned earlier that this month will mark 8 months since my father's passing. I still haven't fully grasped the fact that it did happen. Of course there are days that are worse than others, but on the bad days, let yourself cry. The only way you're really going to feel better is to let yourself grieve. Trust me, I will be the first to say that I didn't want to. I was set on the fact that I was just going to ignore it and just deal with it later, or not at all. If you hear anything I have said, please hear this: YOU NEED TO GRIEVE. I'm not one to share my emotions with people or really open up to people, but I promise, you will feel better. No, not 100% better, but it's a small start in the right direction. Your mind needs time to heal and so does your heart. Let it happen. Don't fight it.

I don't want to tell you how to handle someone's death. I'm just hoping to help someone else out. I didn't have a way of dealing with my father's death and I didn't really know what to do or how to handle it. I'm still learning, but hopefully this was helpful to someone. Maybe you or someone you know. Everyone will grieve in their own time and in their own way. It's all up to that one person and how they choose to handle it.