The Family Fight Over Dad's Estate

One never thinks it will happen within their family. I am talking about the total self-destruction of the family unit that you have had all of your life. Well, I am here to tell you that your family/siblings change over the years, and they change even faster once your parents have both passed away, or at least some of ours have.

It is a sad situation to deal with. My husband's family is at odds over his late father's estate and trust. Mind you it is not a huge inheritance at all. If things go as they should it would come out to something like $50,000 a piece for three main heirs.

However, it appears that the sibling left to execute his father's final wishes has plans of his own. Dad's will states clearly how his possessions, assets and family farmhouse are to be divided.

There were four sons in the family, sadly the eldest son and the second to last son have both passed away also at an early age. It was originally laid out in the will that everything would be divided equally by the four sons.

It also stated clearly that son number one would be executor and if he could not do for any reason it would move on down the line until it reached son number four. Well, since sons one and three are no longer with us, son number two is in charge.

Here is where the problem comes in. Son number two feels that he should have all the say, despite whether or not everyone is in agreement with his decisions.

Dad's will and trust all state that should any of his sons have passed away their portion of his estate is to go to their children. Son number one left behind two children, son number three was single with no kids when he passed.

Now, son number two wants to drag out the closing of dad's trust. Everyone else wants to sell the home and divide the proceeds as stated. However, son number two has moved his daughter into the family home to rent it, for next to nothing.

He feels he has some invisible line to the afterlife in which he channels dad and knows that dad would want to keep the house "in the family". This is code for in his family.

The rest of us would be fine with that, if they would buy out the other's and pay the monies out. But, no, son number two feels that he has every right to make all the decisions whether we like them or not.

The rest of the family is not happy with how he is handling things at all. He set up an auction to sell off Dad's possession. If we wanted anything from the family home as a memento we were forced to buy it at the sale.

Since the rest of the heirs are not in agreement with son number two, we have hired our own lawyer to gather information on our legal rights, and to interact with son number two and dad's estate lawyer.

Here is where things get very ugly. The heirs have been very polite throughout the entire ordeal so far. Son number two was aware of us hiring a lawyer and scheduling a family meeting all along.

The day comes for the meeting and son number two comes storming into the lawyer's office with his wife and daughter. They are very rude and nasty to everyone.

The meeting ended with our lawyers deciding they needed a meeting between them to hash out the wants and desires of all parties involved in hopes of coming to a mutual and satisfying agreement between all.

We are still waiting to hear how this meeting has gone. However, since the first initial meeting son number two and family have done nothing but bad mouth the rest of us.

This is a small town where everyone knows everyone and, sadly, they also tend to know everyone else's business. Son number two is telling everyone who asks, or will listen that there is a major family battle going on over dad's estate.

He is saying we have all ganged up against him and is playing the victim in the situation, while he talks total trash about everyone else in the family, especially his only living immediate family member, his youngest brother.

Needless to say, gossip is spreading thru town. But, not one member of the rest of this family has spoken outside of our meetings about anything to do with dad's estate, or how things are being handled.

We are hearing the gossip from the other end though, and, needless to say, it is really making everyone angry. But, we do not feel the need to sink to that level.

The thing that really upsets me most is that mom and dad, who are both gone, were really big on family. They would absolutely hate that this squabble is going on. It also upsets me that the one thing no one wanted to happen has happened now: there is bad blood among the family.

It is also tearing the family apart and, regardless of the outcome of everything, after is said and done, things will never be okay between the family members ever again.

I do not see anymore full family holidays, special events, and so on ever again. Not because of the family, but because son number two feels he is the sole heir and gives zero F***s about everyone else and has chosen to be nasty and spread lies.

Sad that greed and power has divided a family that once was very close. It breaks my heart and sickens me. So, I guess I basically wanted to apologize to mom and dad for how all of this is turning out. I know it is not at all what you wanted.

Lesson learned here: make sure there is a defined will and estate term stating that each child is left as executor and that all decisions must be agreed upon by the majority of the heirs. No one person should get to decide how they feel the deceased party "would have" wanted things done.

It should be spelled out in precise terms. I am for sure going to make sure when my time on Earth is over that my three kids all know exactly how I wanted my last wishes carried out to the letter.

Just a little "beware" post to prevent the possible destruction of your family when you are gone.