The Effects of Divorce on Children

Abstract

Divorce is a destructive aspect of society which is having a widespread effect on today's cultural development. Victims of divorce, including children, parents, and friendships all suffer as a result of the marital vows that are broken and ripped in two. Psychological disorders never seen in such a rise have statistically grown among younger individuals fighting for a chance to succeed in their personal lives and careers. Relationships have suffered as teenagers feel the need to rush into romantic relationships, afraid that their partner will leave. Divorce is a ladder a majority of children are forced to climb in marriages today, with each stage driving them to the limit. Even the “I love you's” from step-siblings and step-parents become a routine instead of the beloved sign of commitment within a stable household of committed individuals. Without stability, or anyone to lean on, children reach out to anyone for help—even people who are out to harm them. In many cases, drug abuse, suicides, and delinquent behavior have been recorded behaviors shown in children within divorce cases. Studies have been conducted to explore the consequences of divorce on children, and research has shown that not only does divorce affect children, but the behavior of parents towards each other often plays an extraordinary role in the future of their children's lives. Ultimately, the way the law handles divorce must be drastically improved by implementing researched based, recommended changes to better develop a new and healthy generation.

The Effects of Divorce on Children

Divorce is a split that ignites a raging fire within the hearts of people involved; broken vows and meaningless efforts to reconcile are all discussed in a court rooms as the sacred and intimate commitment between two people is publicly abolished. The consequences of broken marriages show not only through the immediate sufferers of divorce, but also through the children involved. Research has shown that children who are the victims of divorce are more prone to psychological disorders and have a less successful time adjusting to adulthood than children who live in stable homes with parents who love them. Children are left feeling as lonely as orphans in the twisted hands of battling parents as questions arise in the midst of conflict. Distracted, the parents forget the children and grow to either be cruel to them or neglectful in response to their broken relationship with their previous partner. According to the National Census Bureau, one out of three children living in the U.S. are forced to live without a biological father in the home—some of these cases are a consequence of custody battles and fathers who choose not to care (National, 2016). While some children choose not to live with their biological fathers, other children are left alone without a choice. One may consider the impact of the law in regards to children during a divorce situation. Since multiple children are left confused and alone after a divorce, the current judicial process involving the treatment of children during divorce needs to be drastically improved; doing so would provide these victims a future with a lessened possibility of encountering abusive situations.

The Five Aspects of Divorce

Since an emotional separation begins within the home and extends outwards into divorce involving the law, five factors have been found within divorce situations that strongly contribute to the well-being of any children involved. According to Rappaport (2013), who details the multifaceted impacts of divorce through her article “Deconstructing the Impact of Divorce on Children,” each stage must be taken into great consideration, and the immaturity of the law to handle each individual aspect stands as the reason behind the increased rate in juvenile delinquency and the increase in psychological disorders. The five main aspects of divorce include working though parental conflict, the mental health and differentiation in separated parenting styles, the involvement of the biological father, the financial impact, and the consideration of the perspectives and mental health of the children. In a majority of divorce cases, these characteristics of divorce are overlooked by the law, leading children to suffer while finding their way through chaos that only adults are prepared to handle both emotionally and physically.

Furthermore, while children may be prone to handling the stages differently, each family experiences these stages in different orders depending on the type and amount of conflict between parents. Counseling and therapy has been shown to be beneficial for healing within a divorce, particularly helping with the separation in parenting styles, mental health issues in parents, and the consideration and perspective of children working through divorce. Because divorce frequently places financial stress on the adults involved, many childhood divorce victims moving into adulthood have no financial security underlying the success of their future. Therefore, financial aid has been given through FAFSA and food stamps to help with the anxiety of children moving into adulthood from impoverished, divorce situations. In regards to stress about the engagement of a biological father, while rulings given by the court often cannot control whether the biological father is involved, educating parents about the consequences abandonment and abuse has on a child's development may encourage a healthier balance between parental custody and the personal relationships each parent chooses to pursue with their individual children. By educating the public about the effects of divorce on children, the process of divorce can be lawfully adjusted to promote prosperity for the future generation (Rappaport, 2013).

Psychological Effects of Divorce

Divorce is having a devastating effect on the children who experience this painful separation, both during its course and after the children grow into adulthood. The continued familial brokenness is prevalent within today's generation and is responsible for the struggle children face in trying to lead healthy, normal lives upon facing the reality of living in a divorce situation. Without the proper approach taken, the psychological harm which leads teenagers today to commit murder and suicide, to have teenage pregnancies, or to be involved in violent gangs, continues to emerge (Kelly, 2003). Often, these behaviors stem from feelings of regret or the children blaming themselves for the divorce of their parents, along with other emotional imbalances and false assumptions. Since many experience this traumatic event while too young to healthily process deep, infuriating pain, the children's reactions are devastating both during the divorce and in the future.

The different stages and aspects of divorce bring about similar psychological effects, the most well-known being depression, anxiety, and guilt. Kelly writes in her article “Children's Adjustment Following Divorce: Risk and Resilience Perspectives” about the effects of divorce on children, and states in the seventh and eighth paragraphs, “Children react to the separation with distress, anxiety, anger, shock, and disbelief... they are left to struggle alone with the meaning of this event for their lives, which can cause a sense of isolation and cognitive and emotional confusion.” Since children are forced to develop mature coping skills for handling these strong emotions at a young age, the increase of suicides, school drop-outs, shootings, self harm, underage drinking, teenage pregnancies, and other delinquent behaviors are notable both publicly and statistically. Furthermore, although divorce situations increase the likelihood of psychological disorders found in children and delinquent behavior, even more common and antagonizing is the abuse towards children from parents during the separation and divorce. Abuse involving neglect, terror, sexual abuse, manipulation, physical harm, and emotional ill-treatment are responsible for these behaviors. Since the law has decided to overlook the suffering of children, particularly within divorce situations, the consequences are taking its toll on the development of a new, struggling generation as they find their way alone in heartbreaking ways.

The Struggles of Future Marriages for Children of Divorce

In addition to the fight to survive through the initial divorce, children growing into adulthood often continue psychologically to live with the consequences of their childhood trauma which reveals itself in hurtful, punishing ways. The pain shows itself particularly in the marital lives of women, who according to research suffer more intensely in their adulthood after a childhood divorce situation then men. Women coming from divorce have shown and reported immense feelings of doubt during their relationships, even after marriage. Confidence in whether their husband will be loyal and treat them well has been shown to be increasingly low, leading to an inability to form lasting, healthy, intimate relationships. Also, children coming from divorce often repeat the mistakes of their parents, and experience divorce themselves (Whitten, 2008). The pattern is the cycle society is beginning to experience, as now a relationship starved world seeks attention in harmful ways, and lacks the ability to change.

Without experiencing commitment from parents between each other or towards children, knowledge about healthy commitments within relationships and even the ability to be committed, particularly through difficult trials, becomes damaging to those wishing for a lasting relationship and finding no basis off which to hold one together. Whitten (2008) mentions in the second paragraph of her article “Effects of Parental Divorce on Marital Commitment and Confidence,” that “Parental divorce may also undermine offspring’s perceived ability to attain a happy, lasting marriage. Many young adults from divorced families report a general belief that couples do not have the ability to overcome marital conflicts, as well as apprehension about repeating their parents’ mistakes and a belief that their hypothetical future relationships are likely to fail.” The research shows an inability for young people to connect with their spouse or significant other upon experiencing parental divorce as a result of lack of knowledge about flourishing relationships, lack of experience, and lack of hope.

When Divorce Can Help

Although divorce is often damaging for children in extreme abuse situations, divorce can be the life event that changes the life a child in a beneficial way rather than completely harmful. Children oftentimes look to their parents as peers, as demonstrated in Kaufman's article “Effects of Life Course Transitions on the Quality of Relationships between Adult Children and Their Parents” (Kaufman, 1998) which states, “With few exceptions, the lives of parents and their children are connected in significant ways as long as both generations are living. Because of linkages across generations, it is likely that life course transitions experienced by members of one generation will have consequences for members of the other (para 2).” The saying blood is thicker than water is indeed real as both parents and children play an important role in directing and leading the lives and decisions of each other.

Moreover, because of this linkage, divorce can lead to the likelihood that these same children will have a divorce in adulthood and practice the abusive habits shown in their parents towards their own children. Although marital counseling should always be sought before divorce, living in abusive situations with children as the center of conflict can be as damaging as following through with a divorce. Depending on the conflict and the children, consequences can be even worse in extreme cases, as living with constant stress and anxiety has been linked to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Continuing Traumatic Stress Disorder, Manic Depression, Bipolar, Panic Disorder, and Schizophrenia (Kaufman, 1998). Therefore, if reconcile and peace within a household is impossible, and divorce would lead to relief for both the parents and the children, actions to finalize a separation and divorce should be taken for the sake of the mental health and safety of those involved.

Lastly, upon a divorce, new, healthy bonds can be made between children and mentors which can prevent these psychological disorders from occurring. Sometimes these relationships are brought on by a divorce, such as the introduction of step-siblings, step-parents, or new living environments that promote more healthy familial contact with grandparents or other outside sources. Counseling should always be sought in blending families, especially to promote a healthy living environment. Healing after traumatizing events often takes a long time, and, in some cases, people never experience full healing even with therapy and counseling. For the benefit of all in any family regardless of circumstances, one should consider all the factors before changing living environments or a marital bond and seek professional help in making decisions that will allow any children involved to experience life to the fullest and prevent them being left extremely damaged from these events (Kaufman, 1998).

Healing for Children After Parental Divorce

Even though divorce is a life-altering event in any child's life often leading to feelings of abandonment and hurt, hope abides in the knowledge of professionals who seek to strengthen a child's ability to cope with their circumstances while also teaching them healthy coping skills for the future. Regardless of the velocity and the volume of conflict in a divorce, the law should always require professional counseling for children whose parents are divorcing until adulthood. Children whose parents divorce struggle to find security within their homes due to custodial changes and differences in the behavior of distracted parents. When these children who would otherwise be alone are deliberately given an environment to express emotions and thoughts in beneficial, teachable ways, then the psychological consequences, such as depression and anxiety which lead to poor life choices, can be identified and treated.

In addition to counseling, other factors play major roles in the healthy development of children post a parental divorce, such as the importance of maintaining a healthy relationship with both parents when possible. Finding that security and encouraging that bond can ensure that children can find safety within their homes and learn how to develop lasting relationships outside of their familial relations. Also, physicians can help by supporting this relationship in multiple different ways. A physician can begin by educating the parents on the possible psychological effects of divorce on their children and provide trustworthy advise about how to handle their child's expressions or feelings. Also, parents should be educated on possible ways to support their children in the community and find support groups that are suitable for their children's individual personalities and talents. The groups may include encouraging friendships at school, involving their children in outside academic activities, and building relationships with other parents who have experienced divorce with children to build a responsible, positive environment for their children in which to interact. Consistent schedules can be set into motion to further stabilize a child's life, and proper discipline and rules can be set into place to create a peaceful household for each parent and child. Any history of abuse should be collected from both parents, and the mental health and stability of the parents should be assessed to properly decide on the custodial rights of each parent. Most importantly, children should never be pushed towards one parent or the other and should never be put in the middle of parental conflict. Feelings between parents about each others behaviors and lifestyles must be kept within the boundaries of a counselor or adult friendships and should never become a child's problem. By encouraging loving and peaceful behaviors and attitudes towards the opposite parent, co-parenting can exist for the benefit of the children, and a large portion of the depression and anxiety found in these children can be relieved (Pediatrics, 2000).

Although countless ways exist to assist children during and after a parental divorce and separation, the deciding factor on therapy choice should be professionally decided based on the child's age, maturity, experiences, and personality. If the law were to enforce this for the healing of all children during divorce, suicide rates would go down, as well as psychological disorders and common behavioral issues found within these children. Ultimately, divorce is often an ugly, damaging factor for all who are involved. The need for proper education on children of divorce is increasing as marriages continue to end and people continue to come into adulthood hurt, alone and abused. However, hope is not out of reach for those who seek to live meaningful, healthy lives. When people take action for these children, perspectives will change; people will live more harmoniously; and divorce will be handled for the benefit of all (Pediatrics, 2000).

References

Kaufman, G., & Uhlenberg, P. (1998). Effects of life course transitions on the quality of relationships between adult children and their parents. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 60(4), 924-938. Retrieved from http://lrc-proxy.abtech.edu:2048/login? url=https://search.proquest.com/docview/219767531?accountid=8387

Kelly, J. B., & Emery, R. E. (2003). Children's adjustment following divorce: Risk and resilience perspectives. Family Relations, 52(4), 352-362. Retrieved from http://lrc- proxy.abtech.edu:2048/login?url=https://search.proquest.com/docview/213933773? accountid=8387

National Fatherhood Initiative. (2016). “Fatherless Children Statistics and Other Data on Fatherhood | NFI.” Father Involvement Programs for Organizations and Families, www.fatherhood.org/fatherhood-data-statistics

Paediatrics & child health, (2000) Pulsus Group Inc, www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2817798/

Rappaport, S. R. (2013). Deconstructing the impact of divorce on children. Family Law Quarterly, 47(3), 353-377. Retrieved from http://lrc-proxy.abtech.edu:2048/loginurl=https://search.proquest.com/docview/1490970659?accountid=838

Whitton, Sarah W., et al. (2008) “effects of parental divorce on marital commitment and confidence.” journal of family psychology:jfp:journal of the division of family psychology of the american psychological association (division 43), u.s. national library of medicine, www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2704052/.