The Day My World Fell Apart

When I was 21 years old I got pregnant. I was in shock and disbelief. What am I going to with a child? I am a child myself. I didn’t know what to do or where to turn. I called out of work the next day. My mother got home that evening and asked me what are you doing home? I froze. My heart was racing. I said as quick as I could I’m pregnant. I was scared at what she would say. I ran in my room crying. She followed me in and said WHAT?! I was overwhelmed with emotions. So I got up the gumption and it came out like word vomit I’m pregnant. She just stared at me with a look of fear, confusion, and disbelief. She said make an appointment with the doctor.Then she just turned around and walked out.

Today is the day, my doctor's appointment. Nervously waiting in the waiting room with my mom. Not knowing what’s coming next. They call me back. I pee in a cup. It comes back positive. The women said let me take you to the ultrasound room. I go in and this little tiny blob comes up and it was beautiful! I had never loved anything so much in my life all the fear went away! After the ultrasound I went in to see my actual doctor and he said congratulations! But the room wasn’t so happy. Through the awkward silence my mother says I think she should have an abortion. My heart sank and my joy went away. I was devastated. I fell in love the moment I saw that little blob why didn’t she? We leave the doctors with an awkward car ride home.

About a week later, my mom starts to warm up to having a grandchild. We start thinking I wonder if it’s going to be a boy or girl?

About 2 months later, I started to pick out names!

About 3 months later, IT'S A GIRL! Oh my gosh! I’m so happy! Daisy Mae is her name! She is going to be beautiful! A child of god! I am so blessed!

About a month later, we start picking out clothes, buying toys, and we bought a crib! Everything was coming together! I was going to be a mommy!

Exactly one month later, tragic struck. I fell. I went to the hospital. There was no heart beat. My baby was gone. I will never forget the pain. My heart hit my butt. I thought my life was over. I wanted to kill my self. The doctor told me I had preeclampsia. They started to induce me and 3 hours later I gave birth to a stillborn. My beautiful baby girl. I was overwhelmed with emotions. I held her and cried for hours. I thought to myself, why me? What did I do to deserve this? My baby is gone.

Today’s the day I get to go home. I was lost. I wasn’t supposed to leave without my baby. Then depression sank in. Weeks go by, I’m stuck in my bed I don’t want to see anyone or go anywhere. Never did I think that little blob would mean so much to me.

Day by day, I start to experience happiness again.

A year later, it’s her birthday. All I could do was cry and think what would she be like right now? Would she be walking or talking?

A year after that, I meet the love of my life and we get married! 3 months after being married we find out we are pregnant!

Instead of this being a joyful time, my mind is racing with worry. I can't go through this again. It broke my heart. I don’t want him to go through the pain and despair.

5 months later, IT'S A GIRL!! We were so happy! Bailey Belle is her name!

3 months later, I’m being rushed into an emergency c-section. Praying my baby will be okay.

She’s here! She’s alive! She’s safe! She is beautiful! Our baby girl is okay!

Flash forward to today, she is 3 months old and the most precious thing I have ever seen! I am forever grateful for the blessing the lord gave me! She is truly a gift.

A day never goes by where I don’t think about Daisy or wonder what she would be like. I wish she could meet her little sister. She will be 3 this year. The pain will always be there but, I know I will get to hold her again one day.