The Day My Pregnancy Stopped

It took us a year to get pregnant when we decided to try for another child. We were on the verge of speaking to our doctor about fertility treatments when the test came back positive.

I called my husband at work, in the middle of a dinner rush. "We're pregnant!" I yelled in excitement. He asked if I was sure. I had a tendency to have hopeful eyes and see lines that weren't there. Three digital tests later and we were both convinced. Another baby was on the way.

We went to have blood work done and had an early ultrasound. Everything looked good. The baby's heart was beating on the monitor. We were so excited and it took everything I had to keep it a secret.

Christmas came when I was eight weeks pregnant. My son and I made ornaments for our announcement that said, "I'm going to be a big brother!" Everyone opened them at the same time. My husband and I were so glad to tell our families at this special time.

Two weeks later, it happened. I started spotting. We went to the emergency room. The staff there was not equipped to deal with miscarriages. They were not properly trained to look for a baby's heartbeat. After several hours, I was diagnosed with a missed miscarriage, and I would need to have surgery to finish the process.

At a follow up with my doctor, he seemed unconvinced of the hospital's evaluation. He gave me momentary hope, but his ultrasound confirmed what we knew. The baby had no heartbeat. We scheduled a D&C for the next week.

For a week, I continued to carry a baby that was no longer living. My heart broke every day. The night before my surgery was scheduled, my husband and I went to dinner. While we were out I started to miscarry on my own. The bleeding and pain were so bad I had emergency surgery and a blood transfusion that night. While I was lying there, I thought I might die. I thought I might never see my son again.

While I was in the hospital the next day, a priest came to speak with me. We said a prayer and he told me about he and his wife's loss many years before. I felt less alone after that.

I now have two more little boys who light up my world. I often think of the baby I lost, and what she/he would have been like. But I hold on to the fact that I've been blessed with the children I have and hope that my story will help others make it through their own loss.