The Day I Lost You

I'll never forget the day I found out I was going to be a mom. It was the most exciting thing ever. I was only fifteen years old and I had been with my boyfriend for about a year. We were so young and didn't care what anyone thought or said because we knew that we were going to be together forever and we knew that we wanted to start a family. We had been trying for maybe three months. We had went to Los Angeles to go visit my boyfriend's family and I started feeling a little weird, getting the usual symptoms that you get in early pregnancies. We stopped by CVS and bought a pregnancy test. I've taken a lot before, but there's something about this one that I was just so sure about.

We came home and the next day I took the test. Once I saw the positive sign I cried. I cried because I was so happy that I finally had what I've always wanted and that was a baby growing inside me. Instantly I told my boyfriend and his reaction was just priceless. At one point, I think he was more excited than I was. And we called my mother and told her that I was pregnant, but we didn't call anyone else; instead, we ended up posting it all over social media. And I was two weeks pregnant.

Four weeks had went by and I started discharging light brown blood, and it scared me because I didn't know what was going on; mind you, I was only fifteen at the time. My mom took me to the hospital and they did blood work, an ultrasound, and a urine test. Everything came out normal. It was a Tuesday morning. The discharge had continued happening for the following day. That Thursday I was sitting at the computer desk at home and I felt this huge discharge and instantly I knew something was wrong. I had gone to the bathroom to make sure I was fine but when I had looked down, there was so much blood and it wasn't brown or any other color except pure, dark red. I called my mom and I asked her if she can take me to the hospital, so she did.

I remember going up to the window and telling the doctors that I was there two days before and that I was pregnant, and told them that I thought I was having a miscarriage. It seemed as if they didn't care, but why would they? It wasn't them, it was me. I sat in the waiting room for about three hours until finally they called me. Three hours? Couldn't they have done something? I got up and there was blood all over the seat, blood all over the floor and blood all over my clothes. Even after the doctors had seen how much blood I was losing, it still seemed as if they didn't care. I told him I needed go to the bathroom because I felt like I needed to pee really bad. As I sat down on the toilet, I felt something just slip right out of me and I knew it wasn't urine. I knew something was wrong. I had opened the door and called out for a nurse and she came to me and told me to flush the toilet. I had told her that I felt like the baby was in the toilet, that it had come out of me, and that I wasn't going to flush the toilet. She seemed a little irritated and came into the bathroom and flushed it. I was mad and hurt because I knew that was my baby inside. When they did the ultrasound they didn't let me see the screen but two days ago when I was there I was able to see the baby. They had done the vaginal ultrasound and when they were done I had gotten up and blood just started dripping down my leg. I had felt embarrassed because my mother was in the same room with me and I couldn't bend down because my stomach was hurting, so she had to clean up the mess. When the doctor called my name once again they pulled my mother and I into a room and told me the news. They told me that I had a miscarriage and that they needed to do surgery to clean out the umbilical cord and to give me a blood transfusion because I was losing way too much blood. I still remember the feeling I felt when I heard the news, I feel it right now writing this... my mom came up to me and hugged me and she told me that she was sorry. I remember I just falling down to my knees crying because the one thing I wanted so bad, I couldn't save it. My boyfriend stood by my side the entire time. He didn't eat, he didn't sleep, he didn't go home because he wanted to make sure that I was okay.

I was in the hospital from 7 PM Thursday night on August 29, 2012 until 7 AM that Friday morning. My boyfriend and I went home and fell asleep for about 12 hours. We both cried ourselves to sleep. Losing my baby destroyed me. My boyfriend and I dropped out of high school, we broke up, and we had went our separate ways. Six years later, today, February 7, 2018, my boyfriend at the time is now my husband and I have two beautiful daughters with him now. I'm not saying that I'm thankful for my miscarriage. because if I would have never lost the baby I probably would have not ever had my oldest daughter, Evelyn. She's beautiful and smart and so funny and I can't imagine my life without her. The same thing goes for my youngest daughter, Amiyah. But till this day, I do sit and think of my baby that I lost and what life would be like if he or she were here today. Things happen for a reason, God has a plan for everyone and this just so happened to be my plan, this is what was supposed to happen to me. This is my story.