The Birth of My M&M Twins

Walking into the ocean with the wind humming at my ears and the cool water brushing my legs, I begin swimming in the Atlantic at night. My husband is shaking me, calling my name, and even though he's faceless I know it is him. I'm confused as to why so I try to swim away, thinking he is playing a game but he calls me with more authority in his voice which startles me and I look back.

He says, in a woman's voice, "You have to wake up, we are taking the babies!"

I look down and see this huge belly that wasn't there before and all of a sudden I heard the beeps of a monitor and open my eyes and I am in a hospital room.

There's a wiry nurse with a Caribbean accent stirring me back to reality saying, "Wake up we are taking the babies."

Clearing my voice and a little upset because my dream was interrupted, I grumble out, "Why?"

I can barely make out what she said but it was something to the effects of the pressure of one of the kids going up and the other one going down My pressure was dropping as well. She finished by saying "If you need to call someone, now is the time!" and walked away in haste.

I had to call my husband. Now I'm panicked. I feel like I'm suffocating and I have to remain calm. I start to realize what is happening and it seems as though the world is slowing down and I'm in fast forward. My brain is firing faster as it dawns on me that I am about to have an emergency cesarean. But what time is it? I look for a clock and see that it is 5 AM and I know my husband, Phil, is sleeping and my two daughters, Ava and Erykah, have to go to school. I don't know how to wake him because I'm usually the one that hears his phone and wakes him up. I reach over to the table next to my bed and there's a phone. I finally call and he doesn't answer. Shoot. I have to call his mom, Elaine, or brother, Brandon, to wake him up. Dang, I have to wake someone else up. This is going to create too much excitement. So I call and Elaine answers on the first ring. She's still sleepy as I can hear the southern drawl in her brassy voice. Normally she has a bubbly spirit. However when she realizes it's me and the time she swings into action. I can now hear her running (well that's what I imagined) down the hallway with her housecoat and slippers. He must've been sleeping on the couch because I can hear the television blaring as she wakes him and explains.

The nurse tells me to get off the phone. HOW RUDE. I finish up by telling him that I love him and to please hurry. I am SCARED. I don't know what to expect. This is my first surgery EVER. Yes I have had two kids prior to this moment but they were natural births and the only scissor that was needed was to cut the umbilical cord. THEY ARE ABOUT TO CUT ME!!!! Holy cow. How does one prepare for this? I beg the nurse to allow me to pee because my nerves are now shot. I'm terrified. Yes, I'm freaking out but trying to remain calm at the same time. I feel bile coming up from my stomach like I have to throw up. Another nurse comes in with Dr. Jekyll. I've NEVER seen any of them before and he explains what is happening and what is going to take place. I don't hear a thing. My heart is pounding too loud. My hands feel clammy. I'm sweating. My throat is dry. My hair. OMG MY HAIR IS A MESS. *pause* why? When we are in a major crisis, do we women always think about how we look? *unpause* I start fixing my hair the best I know how. The nurse explained that I have a catheter in so I can pee as I please. I already peed. Didn't realize it. But they had to take the catheter out and give me an epidural.

WHAT IS THAT?!?!??!?! <thick Caribbean accent nurse made up name> Pinky says, "You have two kids and don't know what an epidural is? Wow, it's an injection in your back. They put the medicine in to numb your lower extremities." (Realization setting in)

I say, "Wait, why do I need to be numb? Aren't I supposed to push?"

(I know I'm not pushing but at this stage of the game pushing sounds better.)

Pinky gives out a belly aching laugh and explains the procedure. About an hour later, a red head nurse walks in to do my vitals. <fictitious name> Nurse Madeline says, "Are you excited?"

I looked over at her and said, "Miss, I'm bout to be cut up like steak. Am I supposed to be happy?"

She said "You need some meds!" and walked out.

Another nurse came in <weird I want to think Russian accent, or was it in my head? She came in with Dr Jekyll> Nurse Hilda says, "I'm giving you something to help calm your nerves."

I am out, I don't even remember her leaving the room or even removing the syringe. I am now back into my dream but instead of the waters being calm and soothing, the wind is now HOWLING and the surf is rough. I'm being flipped all over the place. I don't know if I'm swimming or drowning. I try to stay still to see which direction I'm floating in but the water is so rough. I catch a break and hit my head on the ground and realize that I can stand up. My body hurts. My eyes burn. I can't speak. I have water in my nose and throat so it burns too. I open my eyes and I'm being pushed down a cold hospital hallway. The lights are so bright I have to squint to see. No more monitors but now I'm being marched down a corridor with an army of nurses. My life is about to change and I can feel it.

As we make the next turn, Pinky greets me with a smile and says "Evry'ting will be Irie!"

I give her a half smile because I don't believe her. Hilda rolls her eyes. And Madeline pats my shoulder. The other people walking along side of the bed look like soldiers in a firing squad just with white coats on. (Now in my mind I'm being carted to my death and these are the townspeople jeering and leering at me.) The hospital is cold. And as we enter the operation room, I can't help but wonder how sterile it is. I look around and they stop me next to this metal table that looks JUST LIKE THE MOVIES. This is about to happen. I'm about to die right here. I close my eyes to think of something pleasant and nothing.

Hilda taps me and says "We are going to slide you over!" No counting just.....*slide* that was my warning. These chicks are strong. The doctor is scrubbing up. Dr. Jekyll, Dr. Hyde, and Dr. Who are now in the room mumbling. Nothing is audible to me. I catch a glimpse of a clock and it's minutes before 11 AM. And I'm looking around. Finally Madeline appears and says, "I think your husband is here! We will wait for him!" Dang I've been asleep for nearly six hours? Why don't I feel my babies moving? Where is the nurse's button? Everyone is doing their own thing and no one is paying me any mind. All I have on is a gown. Now I'm wondering, do I need to shave? Omg MY HAIR?!?!?! Does my breath stink? I have to get a grip because it's too late for all these thoughts. I can't tell them to "Stop. Wait a minute. Let me go shower and shave real quick to get myself together." Shoot, we are here now! Phil walks in and I instantly relax. But he has a look of worry, stress, and tension all in one. The doctors consult with him. I'm assuming to let him know what's going on. I just want them to shut up so I can talk to him. They talk FOREVER.

And then he comes over after scrubbing up, gives me a peck and says, "How do you feel?"

The look on my face. That's not a good question to ask when you're in the OR on the verge of facing death. So he tries to distract me as a blue curtain goes up between me and the rest of the room. I am now only able to see just him and the two nurses beside me. The firing squad, I kid you not, is about 15 deep. It's crowded. And the room is now buzzing.

Dr. Jekyll says, "Can you feel this?"

And the table moves. I feel pressure and say, "yes!"

I ask my husband what they are doing. He peers over and says, "cleaning you up!"

But he looks sick. They administers some meds. And start counting down. I hear noises. The doctors are working. My beeping monitor is what I can focus on. My husband is looking crazy and bewildered again. But I can no longer talk. Everything feels heavy. The beeps are far apart now. And I see a glimpse of what looks like a frog or spider monkey go by in Hilda's hand. And the room is silent. Nothing. Everyone has stopped moving. I sit up. The room is literally frozen. I am standing and looking at everyone's faces. The look of sheer horror is what I notice on Phil's face and he's crying. I look over at Hilda and she's holding a lifeless baby and they are dragging a crash cart with them. Another set of nurses is holding another baby. This baby is pinkish-grey. They also have a crash cart. The three doctors are just staring at my body. One is sweating and another one looks nervous. No one is moving, though. I look at the table and I'm lying there. Lifeless. Dr. Hyde and Dr. Who are trying to put me back together while Dr. Jekyll is preparing paddles for resuscitation. I lie back down because there is NO WAY I'm going out like a punk. The room starts moving again. And this time the curtain is removed. My husband is whispering, "I love you" in my ears and rubbing my hair, wiping away the tears with his other hand. He tells me not to leave him. And I say, "I will never" but he can't hear me. As I fade away slowly, I hear the loud tone of my monitor and then nothing.