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The 9 Month Itch

Life with Cholestasis

By Heather MasonPublished 6 years ago 8 min read
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The itch NEVER stops

On August 12th, 2015 I found out I was pregnant. It was the happiest moment of my life. I was finally about to be a mother, something I've been looking forward to as long as I can remember. I was born to do this. Even my friends thought so, they always referred to me as the "mother" of the group and talked about how they knew I'd be a great mom. At 15 weeks I found out i would be having a baby boy! Just what I always wanted to have first!

I had the easiest pregnancy, until I didn't. I barely had any morning sickness, I never had any cravings, everything was going smoothly. Heck, I had even only gained 20 pounds, which I was pretty proud of for being a first time mom. Then, when I was 35 weeks pregnant I started getting this really weird, very intense itching all over my body that wouldn't go away. It felt like I was being tortured with itchiness. No matter how much I scratched the itching never went away. I was so desperate to just get some release from my skin itching 24/7. I couldn't sleep it was disturbing me so badly.

I also had a very sharp stabbing pain in my right upper abdomen. I knew something wasn't right, I've known tons of people who have had kids and none have ever described having this feeling before. So, I emailed my doctor and told her what was going on, hopefully she could shed some light on my problem or make me an appointment to be seen. She told me that I needed to come in as soon as possible to get some extra blood work done to rule out some possibilities. At this point I wasn't really worried that it could be anything serious, I thought they would just give me some Benadryl or something and I would be fine. The next day I went in for my blood work and found out they were testing the bile levels in my blood. It took around two days for my test results to come back. Meanwhile, I was anxious to find out what was going on. Then it happened, I got what felt like the worst news in the world.

I was diagnosed with intrahepatic cholestasis of pregnancy or ICP. Those four little words changed everything. My world was spinning, I went into full on panic mode, I couldn't stop crying. How could this happen to me. I had done everything right. I didn't over-eat, I completely avoided caffeine, I didn't drink, I didn't smoke, and I didn't do drugs. I took my prenatal vitamins every day, and avoided any and all medicine as much as I possibly could. To make things worse, I found out my diagnosis over e-mail. The lab had sent over my results, and my doctor hadn't even bothered to call and discuss them with me. I had done my googling about the condition, it could lead to my baby being in distress, being born early, or worst of all a still birth. At this point I had completely lost it, I was inconsolable terrified that my baby was going to die, and the doctors wouldn't give me an appointment to come in and be seen. I was absolutely devastated. I sat outside on my front porch steps lifeless, and still crying, and I called my mom and told her what I had just found out. She called her boss and told him she had to leave immediately, that it was a family emergency. After what felt like an eternity, she finally made it back home. She called the doctors office and demanded that they gave me an appointment immediately or we would come into their office and publicly raise hell. Needless to say, they gave me their first available time slot for the day. So we made our way to the doctors office. I was going to be seeing a doctor I had never seen before, but I was happy at least I would have some answers, and that is exactly what he gave me.

He explained to me that yes I did have cholestasis and that I was going to be put on a medication called Ursodiol that was going to keep my bile levels under control until I had my son. He also explained to me that this condition was pretty rare and that only roughly one and one thousand women contract cholestasis of pregnancy. Along with this news also came bad news. I was going to have to be induced at thirty seven weeks pregnant. Which meant I just went from still having a little over five weeks left of my pregnancy, to having a little under two weeks until I would be having my son. He also told me that starting that day I would be having stress tests done on the baby twice a week for an hour. These consisted of laying on a gurney, on my side, in a room full of other women; with monitors hooked up to my stomach so they could listen to his heart beat. Having to have these tests done was an incredibly bittersweet feeling. On one hand, I got to listen to my son's heart beat twice a week, which was the most beautiful sound in the world, and got to know that he was okay. However on the other hand, it was incredibly depressing because I knew that I was in there due to having a serious medical condition that put my son's life at risk. I only had to go to these appointments four times because my due date was so close to when I was diagnosed.

I woke up early that morning, paralyzed by nerves, today was the day I was going to meet my son. I was officially thirty seven weeks and it was the day I was scheduled to be induced. I was conflicted, I was nervous, and excited, but mostly terrified. What if the medication hadn't worked? I hadn't felt him moving yet that morning, what if I lost him in my sleep? What if something goes wrong? Boy did something ever go wrong. The beginning of my induction didn't go so bad. They got me set up in my bed with my IV and gave me medicine that was supposed to help me dilate. A few hours later they informed me that medication wasn't doing a good enough job and that they were going to have to dilate me with a balloon. I'll spare you the details but let's just say you NEVER want to be dilated that way. It was the most excruciating pain in my life. I would hide on the toilet for periods of time just to try and get some relief from the pain it was causing. At some point between when they inflated the balloon my memory gets very fuzzy. I remember some things, and others are a complete blank to me. I like to think my body is trying to protect me from reliving such a stressful time. At some point I had finally given up and told them I needed to get my epidural NOW. shortly after I received that I had finally reached being dilated to a five. That meant this damn balloon had finally done it's job and could come out. Not that I could still feel the pain it was causing, I couldn't feel anything in the lower part of my boy, but I was so ready to be done with the stupid thing. Almost immediately after they took the balloon out they said it was time to pop my water, and that's when everything really went downhill. At some point I had fallen asleep and I awoke to nurses turning my this way and that way. They were trying to find my son's heart beat. The stress of the contractions were starting to cause my son's heart rate to drop extremely low, at one point I think it may have hit zero for a second. Eventually he finally evened back out and they went back to monitoring me from the nurses station. They did however tell me that if this happened again I would have to have an emergency c-section. Of course, only a few minutes later, it happened again. This time even more people swarmed into my room like a hive of bees. Nurses, doctors, even midwives.

This was it, they had already warned me last time, I was going to be rushed into an emergency c-section. I had my boyfriend call all my family and tell them to get to the hospital immediately. I was rushed into the operating room, alone and terrified. He had to stay behind. He had to put on his scrubs, but the main reason he had to stay behind was because if they couldn't get me numb enough they were going to have to put me to sleep for the surgery and he wasn't aloud in there if that were the case. Luckily, the medication worked, and after an eternity he joined me in the operating room. Then it happened I finally heard the most beautiful sound in the entire world, my life was complete, I could hear my son crying.

It brought me to tears, I hadn't even seen his beautiful face yet and had already made me the happiest I could ever possibly be. He was extremely tiny, I was terrified every time that I held him that I was going to break him. He was only five pounds seven ounces and nineteen inches long. He was like a tiny little fragile porcelain baby doll, covered in hair. He was the hairiest little thing I had ever seen, he looked exactly like peter from Jumanji after he cheats, minus the tail and whiskers, but he was mine, and he was beautiful, safe , and healthy.

At my six week check up I found out that I can only take certain birth controls because the hormones are bad for my body. The extra hormones are what causes the disorder. Also that there is a very high chance that I can possibly get cholestasis with any future pregnancies as well.

However knowing what I know now that a risk I'm willing to take, that's just life with cholestasis.

pregnancy
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About the Creator

Heather Mason

Just a mom obsessed with her kid, crafting, and watching my shows and movies

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