The 5 Stages of Becoming a Step-Parent

Entering a new relationship is never easy, but entering one when your new partner has a child already seems to be an atomic bomb of emotions and trials. Suddenly, you are faced with a small person, who even if you have known them all of their life, is now the tiny dictator of your home life. Suddenly, you have to take on a different role, the role of "You will test me, and I will not let you break me, I am an adult, I can do this." No amount of you telling yourself you are an adult can prepare you for this, no amount of coffee or chocolate will help you either. If anything, you will lose that chocolate in your new secret hiding places you are now having to find for sweets.

The things you have learned through your life so far all tell you that this will be an easy ride, you want your own kids anyway, this is a cool step into it. What you are actually stepping into is a minefield: you will laugh, you will cry, you will question yourself as a human being, you will question if this child is actually a human being at all, sleepless nights that you are not used to will cloud your judgement, you'll wake up groggy to an energy-filled squealing blur wanting Smarties for breakfast, and you'll live in wonder at how anything can be so awake and alert at 5:45 AM.

Stage 1 - Denial

"You won't test me, you're too cute." This is the time that the novelty of you hasn't worn off yet, a honeymoon period of bliss, no tantrums, and harmony. Do not let this lull you into a full sense of security, that small brain is currently sizing you up for the mental equivalent of WWE Smackdown.

Stage 2 - Bribery

You are now a second option, you will be asked questions that they have previously been told no to—their cute little eyes glaring into your soul in the mission for a third chocolate biscuit. But you won't crack, you're strong, wait hang on, no, I need you to like me, I'm going to be a cool step-parent. Here, have another three, just don't tell daddy. This is where you are now trapped. Trapped in a cycle of the fallout parent, the yes person, the one who is about to be walked all over...

Stage 3 - Manipulated

This small monster now has your ear, warning, do not trust this, this is a trap. You will now experience the full force of a small child's ability to emotionally floor you. Mid-tantrum, they will try and get you to back them up, you can't, them Coco Pops weren't thrown on the floor by accident, you know you still have to be the cool step-parent but you must back up your partner, you must be strong, do not bend, do not... (gives child more chocolate biscuits a few minutes later).

Stage 4 - The First Telling Off

It's gone too far now, chaos has descended, and the mick is being taken out of you. They know you are weak, so you find your voice, you start your countdown " 5 . . . 4 . . . " desperately trying to find a threat, (no ice cream? yeah that's a good one) something when you get to 1 "3 . . . 2. (Wait, I want ice cream, but I have nothing else) . . 1 . . . RIGHT NO ICE CREAM!" Then behold, the tantrum you have so been trying to avoid, but your stronger this time, you know you have to stick to your guns, this will blow over. As it does a few minutes later. Even though neither of you has ice cream, it was worth it, your authority has now been acknowledged.

Stage 5 - Acceptance

This is your life now; it's hectic, full of snot, tantrums, and endless hours of Peppa Pig, but you are beginning to love that little 'satanous' child. You find your alone time at 1 AM in the bathroom sobbing into ice cream, with a mouthful of guilt every time you swallow and knowing that tomorrow will either be a day full of cuddles and kisses, or a foot to the face, either one.

In conclusion, a bond with a stepchild is a strange one, you have these suddenly overwhelming feelings of protection, but also don't want your makeup to have bits of mashed up Play-Doh in it. You don't want to tell them off for that because they are showing an interest, you are finding common ground, you have a blank canvas on your hands, one that you can teach about everything you love, enrich a mind that is so open to new things.