Teenage Mom?

I’m new to this. Voicing how I feel in a public setting. I usually keep what I think a secret. But I eventually have to let it out. Have to take the weight off my shoulders. When you’re with someone for a long period of time you think you know them. Until you don’t. Until they become the polar opposite of who you fell for 3 years 4 months and 5 days ago. You love them. They love you. Everything is GREAT! You meet online as most couples do this day in age. You meet. Go on a whimsical 12 hour date. Just spend the day together. It was almost too good to be true... and it is... only much later. 10 months and 1 week into the relationship you find out you’re pregnant. You’re 16 he’s 19 and you think you can take on the world. I cried. Over and over again. My life is over. I’m only 16, a sophomore in high school. I have a life to live, I have to graduate, go to college, make a life for myself. Not create one when I’m a child myself. What will your best friend think? What will their parents think? What will YOUR parents think? What is your life going to be now? Caring for a child while going to school. Going to have to get a job... diapers are expensive. Are you going to breastfeed... bottle feed? What kind of formula will they eat if I can’t breastfeed? How much clothes do they need? How much are cribs? Where will they sleep? Do I co sleep?

Questions race through my head. Am I ready for this? Should I do this? Options. What are my options? The obvious ones. The 2 A’s. Abortion. Adoption. Well I can’t abort... that’s murder... that’s against everything I stand for. Adoption? Well what if I fall in love with this thing while it’s kicking me from the inside out? What if once I hold it I don’t want to let go? That wouldn’t be fair to promise someone a child and then say no. Kind of like when you were 6 your mom said you could have a cookie if you finished your dinner but then you find out there were no cookies.... just a mound of broccoli you had to eat. So what was my one and only option? Raise it. Be a mother. And be the best one you could be. My mother was never there for me. Men were in and out of our lives like a revolving door and they ALWAYS came first. Always. I have 2 sisters. Both in a different state. I’m stuck here. With my mom and her mentally and verbally abusive boyfriend. He doesn’t like me. I’m only getting in the way. And now with a baby? Should I tell my mom? Should I hide it? Yea okay but how are you going to hide going into labor... scratch that.

How are you going to hide throwing up every morning, not having a period, and let alone a growing belly. Easier said than done am I right? I mostly didn’t live with my mom during my pregnancy. We were in a rough time and I lived with a family friend. I had to tell them. I was sicker than a dog and losing weight more than I was gaining. I dropped 30 pounds in the first 3 months. But then at 5 months along I had the worst pain shooting through my body.. I couldn’t stand, couldn’t lay down, couldn’t eat. I had to go to the doctor. And only my mom could take me. Good thing I wasn’t showing right? Wrong. I had to take a pee test just to check if it was my bladder or kidney. And they also check for pregnancy you know just to be sure. Well I did what any teen mom trying to hide their pregnancy would do. I peed in the cup and then watered it down.... stupid doctor machines are much too advanced for that. “May I ask you to step out of the room?” The nurse said to my mom. And right then a very confused look shot my way... here we go.