Step MOMster

I suck.

When I met my boyfriend, I knew he had children. I knew their ages and knew their names but I didn't know them. When he and I met, it wasn't supposed to end up how it has; it was supposed to be friends and then everything else happened. We somehow started a family, a very broken and messed up family but a family nonetheless.

I will be brutally honest about myself: I suck. I suck at being a parent, I suck at being a maternal figure, and I suck at being patient and understanding. I. Suck.

It hasn't been an easy journey, hell, it has been more of a nightmare some nights. You see, I believe in discipline (school teacher, ya know). I believe that you don't talk back, you don't scream, and you do as you say until you are at the age to think and fend for yourself. Apparently, children who you haven't raised don't always come with the same beliefs. My house has been a battle of wits, emotions, and will. I don't back down until I have had enough and when I do, you will know it because I will still be fighting. I am aware that my issues are the problem in the home right now. I acknowledge and understand that I, the somewhat step mother/their dad’s girlfriend, is the issue because I do not handle things the way they need to be handled.

I have royally screwed this whole thing up; I thought that they would love me and since they are living with their father and me most of the time, I would be respected at least. I was wrong. I was very, very wrong.

Not sure if I was the one who screwed up first or if the children started the battle, but right now everyone is losing. A good day is I don't lose my temper or get upset because one was rude to their father or their siblings. A bad day is a full screaming match over picking clothes off the floor.

Once again: I suck. I am a step MOMster. I am the dreaded woman who is stealing the father away and is evil to the children. As the step MOMster, I am the evil being that lurks in the shadows and convinces the father to punish otherwise tolerated behaviors in order to control and undermine their mother.

I am not trying to steal the father away, in fact, I encourage their father to be with them as much as possible. I intentionally separate myself from them so that it isn't seen as me trying to take over. I buy them things and say their father did it, I say something was his idea if they like it and if they don't, it is me. I am the bad guy so that their father is the good guy, but it is making my life really hard.

I want them to love and respect everyone, but there is a force pushing against me that can't be fought without some serious back up and back bone. I am the evil step momster and their mother (as she should be) is the queen of the world where the father is the time traveling/world traveling being stuck between.

Ideally, we would be a whole family. We would have disagreements but be together at family dinners. There would be huffs over cleaning but it would get done without arguing. We would share a last name and maybe, just maybe, they would introduce me as their step mom and not Alysha or "daddy's girlfriend."

I know I am shooting amongst the stars hoping to land on a new world, but I can wish right?

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Step MOMster