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It’s been a long while since I’ve written anything and that’s mostly because I’ve been lacking inspiration and have been trying to figure out this thing called life. My first introduction to writing was when I began writing diary entries because I used to find it difficult to express myself verbally. I have now been inspired to write again because I have been dealing with some things and I feel that speaking on a small part of them will help to improve my mental state and inspire me to start writing again.
One of the main reasons why I have been lacking inspiration is because when I feel really low, I tend to isolate myself from everyone around me and when I’m barely speaking to anyone or paying attention to what they’re doing I find it difficult to be inspired. Most of my inspiration in regards to writing comes from my interaction with others so if there’s no interaction, there’s not really much to be inspired by. I enjoy writing about things I am interested in as well as things I have experienced and, to be honest, I have experienced quite a few bad circumstances. For a while now, I have been making the conscious decision to not dwell on any negativity in my life. I can say that this does help with maintaining a decent state of mind but when I don’t give myself anytime to feel negative emotions I almost always have to deal with them down the line. This is why I am writing this piece.
For the majority of my life, I have had to deal with people downplaying my intelligence, my talents, and my beauty. Most of these people never played a significant role in my life but there were far too many who did. Throughout the years, I have successfully removed most of these people from my life. Even though it was painful, it definitely did improve my life in so many ways. I still have love for some of these people but I could never see myself engaging with them ever again. Unfortunately, there is one specific person I have been finding it difficult to remove from my life. My cousin.
Some may see cutting off family members as an easy task but for me it hasn’t always been so easy. When you’ve literally known someone from birth and have spent most of your life around them it can be difficult to break the routine of always seeing and talking to them even when they aren’t treating you the best. A hard pill I had to swallow is the fact that not everyone will reciprocate the respect and love you give them. I am a very supportive and understanding person; people often come to me to vent or ask for advice because I am not judgemental and I honestly want the best for everyone. I am aware that I do have some character flaws but don’t we all? Regardless of the negative traits that I may have, I have never treated my cousin in a way that would make her feel unworthy.
My main issue with my cousin is the fact that she appears to be very envious of me. This is something that I had noticed from a relatively young age but I always ignored it because I wanted to only see the good in her. As we’ve gotten older, it has been almost impossible to ignore as there are obviously a lot more things happening in my life. One example of when I noticed that my cousin is still envious of me 'til this day is the fact that whenever I speak on positive things that I am experiencing or plan to experience, she either fails to acknowledge them or highlights negative circumstances that she feels could occur. Her response to any good news that I share always has to be negative or else there’s no response at all. Sometimes her envy leads her to make disrespectful comments about me to others and even sometimes to my face but repackaged as backhanded compliments. Despite this and all the other unjust things my cousin has done and said to me, I still try to be the bigger person and not stoop to her level by always treating her with the respect I expect her to give me.
If I was to speak on all the negative experiences I have had with my cousin, this article would be the length of a novel. I honestly just wanted to express my feelings and shed some light on the fact that some people will treat you badly for no reason. It isn’t your fault or your mission to make them treat you the way you deserve to be treated. In some cases, it is absolutely necessary to remove people from your life—even when they are family because it is important that your mental state is healthy. For too long, I have let the way my cousin speaks to and of me hinder my growth but not anymore. There are so many other people in my life who love, respect, and support me and I am truly grateful for them.