So Dearly Disowned

Divorce can be a nasty beast and in the end, it is the children that suffer the most. My parents separated but still lived in the family house. My mum did her best but the endless rowing became the norm. My dad went completely postal! Cut up Mum’s underwear, salt in the sugar pot, padlocked what used to be their shared bedroom, relegated my mum to sleeping on the sofa and to top it off—he loosened the wheel nuts on the car! Luckily it was spotted before any real damage could occur—what if I and my two sisters had been in the car with mum on a motorway! It does not bear thinking about! I can understand that dad is angry and hurt but trying to harm his children and the mother of his children is unforgivable.

Eventually, my dad moved into the flat of a woman he worked with. Life at home was more stable and we were all moving on with our lives—or so I thought!

His work colleague, Marge, was all smiles and sweetness to start but soon everything began to sour. My two sisters and I were all treated very differently. I got the rough end of the stick. Marge turned into a selfish, self-centered witch. She was obviously jealous but why! I was a kid!

The verbal abuse started and it had a huge impact on me. I remember saying to my dad that I had worked out what I would like to be when I was older. I was fascinated with serial killers and really wanted to become a criminal lawyer. Marge voiced her opinion by stating that I would only become a whore like my mother! Yep, you heard right! I was told I was going to be a whore at the tender age of 9! Marge used every available opportunity to be spiteful, hurtful and demeaning. She threatened to hit me with a wooden spoon and even said that she would throw me down the stairs! During one particular weekend visit, I was not feeling too well. They left me in the flat on my own all day whilst dad took her shopping! That night, I was sick. I did not make it to the bathroom in time and was sick on the landing. I did not know what to do about it so I covered it up with a bowl and a note. Early the next morning, I was abruptly woken up by Marge and told to clean up my own mess!

I distinctly remember my dad telling me that he had been offered another place to live by a different work colleague. I begged Dad to move out of Marge’s and into the new place. Later that evening, Marge was being a bitch as usual but I snapped. I told her that dad was moving out and leaving her. Well, I was thrown out!

A couple of days later, there was a meeting between Dad, Mum and me. We met in a public place to talk about what happened. Dad informed me that I needed to apologise to Marge for the way I treated her or I cannot visit ever again. It was like being slapped in the face! What in the hell did I do wrong? I spoke the truth and it was his problem if he was not man enough to leave the witch, not mine. I refused to apologise. Dad said that he washed his hands of me and left. I did not see or speak with him again until I was 21!

Dad had finally found his balls and left Marge! He was moving in with another work colleague. My two sisters remained in contact with Dad during my disownment and really encouraged that I build bridges with him (especially now).

I had changed a lot by this time. I had lost my beloved nan and experienced my first bout of depression at 18. I met my soul mate and got engaged. We were saving for our first place and our wedding. The last thing I needed right that second was my dad coming back into my life. Oh, and what is this woman going to be like?

I did eventually meet up with my dad at his workplace. I met the new woman and admittedly I was a cold hearted bitch! The first words I said to my dad were—“Didn’t turn out to be a f**king whore like you thought!” The whole meeting was really uncomfortable but luckily I had my man by my side.

Dad and the new woman were planning on getting married the summer before my own wedding. I was invited but decided not to attend. That was too much of a big step for me. I also felt that Dad would see my attendance as forgiveness and acceptance of the horrible way he had treated me in the past. I will never forgive or accept how I was treated when I was just a kid!

Our wedding fast approached and bridges with my Dad were being built. I invited them to our wedding but they declined. It might have had something to do Dad asking me who was going to walk me down the aisle. Without thinking I told him that my step dad was doing that. My comment must have really hurt his feelings but come on! My step dad had basically raised me and saw me grow into the woman I had become. There is no one else on this earth I would have asked.

The following year, I gave birth to our son. Wow, what a life changing experience and one I will never forget. I loved my little bundle but it also made me feel really sad. I imagined how I would feel if my son was treated like I was?

Dad saw my son as a way to strengthen our relationship. Everything was pretty good until about six months before my son’s 10th birthday. I phoned dad to try and organise visiting them (they lived by the seaside). Dad said that they were moving house. Great I thought, his wife was experiencing health problems and would need a more suitable environment to live in. He informed me that they were moving to Scotland! I asked when the move was happening and he said that the end of the week! In other words, they had already made the decision, bought a house in Scotland and sold their seaside house! Surely he should have told me? Then I had a lightbulb moment! Her youngest son lived in Scotland! Why is this man to led by women! I asked him when he planned on coming back down south? His exact answer—“Why? We have nothing to come down for?” Nice dad, really nice! What about me, what about your grandson?

Well, they moved and I have not heard anything from them since. Dad sends my son Christmas and birthday cards but that’s it. I have emailed on several occasions asking why have I been disowned again! To this day, I am still waiting on a reply. I’ll probably never get one!