Single Parent Life

So many times do we see posts about such and such parent isn't here. However, no one really seems to acknowledge the things they do for their own children in a positive light or how much they go through without breaking. Yes, I know you cook and clean. You also serve as chauffeur teacher, counselor, monster hunter, personal shopper, coach, and so much more. So to all of you out there, you are strong and you can do this. I don't care about the reason you are single parent. I care that you know you are not alone. So to show just how capable you are, I'm going to share my story.

However, as you are reading this I'd like to share a bit about me to help you better understand.

My name is Elizabeth and I am a 28-year-old mom of two very beautiful children. I also suffer with many physical medical issues (Crohn's Disease and a minor form of Scoliosis) as well as depression and anxiety. Here is my story.

So to tell you my story, we need to go back to 2008. I met my children's father when I was 17 on a website called TAG. We hit it off great and we talked every day whether through text messages, phone calls or IMs. I fell really hard, really quick. So in 2009, I moved into my own place and he followed. For the first two years, life was great, so much so that we talked about having children. I felt that at 19, I was ready to be a mom and he felt he was ready to be a dad.

After many conversations and much deliberation I had decided to go off of my birth control. On August 8, 2010, I was informed that I was 8 weeks pregnant with my oldest Jaydan.

Everyone says that kids show you how to be a better person. It was after having my son that I realized just how bad I had become as a person. I had lost myself and the father had total control. I was a pliant being he could get to do whatever he wanted.

The Change

As time went by, I slowly started to be less and less compliant. He started to notice, too. I stopped agreeing with everything he said and I started to come out of the shell I had crawled into. During those first few years, I never noticed how violent he got when he was angry or how terrified he made me feel for myself and my child. We split up a few times. More times than not it was him moving out and then me spending days begging him to come back.

I would see what I was doing and think, "Why am i doing this? This isn't me." Yet I couldn't make myself stop. I realize now that I was afraid of raising this little human all by myself. So we got into a pattern: he would leave, I would beg, and he would come back.

Then two years after Jaydan was born, Paytuhn was here. I had this beautiful little girl wrapped in blankets and I cried because I knew I could not lose my children. But, we could not continue down this path. They were the reason I got out of bed and the reason I didn't take the rope or the knife and end my life.

So I did the only thing I knew I could do. I called my mom, packed up my things, and this time I left. That was the first real step I took to a change that would alter my life forever.

The First Year

That first year was so hard. Oh, it was so hard. I told myself every night when my newborn child would cry and fuss for a bottle or a clean diaper that this was for the best. I could do this. I HAD to do this. I dealt with behaviors from my oldest as I had turned his world upside down. I just kept telling myself, "This is for the best. I HAVE to do this."

Tears and tantrums, arguments with myself and my kids. I can't tell you it was easy because it wasn't. It was so HARD. But... I did it. I set myself and my children free.

Today

I wish I could tell you it gets easier and some days it is and some days it's not. Some days you wish you had stayed because you just don't know how you can go another day. When that happens, I just sit down and watch my kids play whether it is video games, with their toys, or outside in our big backyard. Today my oldest is 7 and my youngest 5. It's been five years since I set us all free. I had to be strong and stubborn and bullheaded. I have learned that I am better than that life and I am so much more. I am not just a chef, housekeeper, chauffeur, coach, teacher, and counsellor. I am a mom. I am strong. I am beautiful. I am a survivor.

So the message to all of you struggling because the other parent walked out or passed away or is just unable to be there, you are stronger and more capable than you think. Take each and every day one step at a time. You've got this and I believe in you.