Siblings

Siblings, they are usually the one to help you, and have your back when you get in trouble. But not my siblings.

I remember growing up having older siblings was the best because they would pick me up from school help me out with projects. They would tell me high school would go by so fast.

Everything felt like sunshine and rainbows, but it’s not always like that. As I got older, I realized that having two brothers that were close in age they got to go wherever they wanted to go, and I was always stuck at home with my parents—every single day of my life it would be like that. My oldest brother would hangout with his friends all the time, and my second oldest brother would waste his time on video games, and then there’s me.

There was a huge age gap between me and my brothers. My oldest brother is eight years older than I am, so I don’t really have that much of a connection with him, other than being his personal slave, getting him stuff because he gets too lazy to move. He would say that’s why I have younger siblings for—to push them around.

My second oldest brother is five years older than I am and he just taught me to be a gamer because he uses video games to escape his problems.

At first I didn’t really care. All I cared about was that I have brothers and they are older than I am. I would brag to my friends back in elementary school, saying my brothers are so cool, they teach me cool things like how to shoot a basketball or how to be competitive in sports. It was awesome.

When I got older my brothers always had each other because they were three years apart, and they had a lot in common, so sometimes I felt left out of the three of us. I felt like I’d always be alone.

So I started to build a wall between me and my brothers, and my parents as well. I didn’t want them to be around me anymore. At school, I started to speak less about my brothers because they would always be together.

Whenever I wanted to do something for myself that’s when they want to show they cared, but they did it in a way to make me feel like crap. They would say I’m stupid, selfish, that all I cared about was myself, and what about our parents, blah blah blah...

I built a wall around myself because I didn’t want to hear all the negativity and stuff that would bring me down. I wanted to make myself a positive person, but having a family like them, I knew it would be impossible.

I’m 26 years old and they always have to ask me what time am I working. Why do you need to know? And my mom would get mad at me, "because of your uniform, that’s why I ask," but in the back of my mind it wasn’t about the uniform, it’s about how many hours I’m working—that’s why my mom would want me to write it down on the calendar. My brothers never had to go through this. They would do whatever they want, which I hated.

My mom said she doesn't have a favorite, but she does. It’s my oldest brother. I know she loves him because he's the first born. Having siblings isn't always fun, it can be a pain in the ass to have them around. And they would only care if I had a boyfriend, which I do, and I hate my mom for telling me to breakup with him because she wants a guy she likes for me. Well, fuck that, I am gonna love whoever I want. And what about my brothers? They never had to go through that. It’s only fair, but they are unfair to me because I’m the only girl, and they need to understand that I’m not a baby anymore.

To my second oldest brother, worry about yourself and stop worrying about your younger sister; leave her alone if she has her own thing to do, mind your own damn business. And for my oldest brother, you have a damn family, so focus on them, not what goes around at your parents' house. You left for a reason, and that was to make your own family—not to worry about your siblings, who you always say are childish and get mad at for stupid fights that my second oldest brother starts, but you blame both of us for when you shouldn’t even care.

Having siblings who are controlling is crazy. Both my brothers are crazy and I’m glad one of my brothers left the house, but I still have the brother that plays video games. It's fucking annoying to have him around. Because he has no life. He always says that he’ll hangout with his friends, but that never happens because his friends all have families, which he should start doing as well, but no girl would stay with him because of his anger issues and his way of life. It’s boring, he never wants to go anywhere because he's a boring piece of shit that just stays at home, always being nosy in his sister’s life when he should learn how to leave her alone, not criticizing her everyday.

I will always hate my family because of how they treat me. I will never forget all the bruises and hits I took from them, all the scars they left on me—sometimes physically, but mostly mentally. I will not remember them as a good family, but I’ll remember them being all negative people pushing me down and controlling me, trying to brainwash me into thinking that younger siblings should always bow down to their older siblings. We all have lives. So let me live mine.