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Saying Goodbye

We miss you.

Grandmother and Grandfather, married for 58 years. 

Having so say goodbye is something that no one can prepare you to do. There is no class you take in school that teaches you how to deal with trauma, grief and ultimately heartbreak. October 27th, 2016 started off as just any other day; same old routine. Wake up, drive to school, sit through lecture, stress, more class, and then time to go home. On my way home from school that day, I had no clue what was waiting for me at home. My poor dad, just standing there, listening to me complain about traffic and bad grades until he interrupted me. Finally, he told me that he had to tell me something...

He ended up telling me that my grandma had a massive stroke and was in the hospital. As the words came out of his mouth, my heart stopped, my knees felt weak, and I couldn't breathe. I cried all the way on route to the hospital and was trying to mentally prepare myself for what was to going to happen.

My grandma was the strongest person that I had ever met and all I kept thinking about was trying to be strong. I was trying to put myself together like i knew that she would have wanted so that i could be there for my sister and my mother at this time.I wiped the tears and began walking towards the hospital. As I was walking through the halls, I saw many sick people waiting for help and all I wished for was a miracle to happen. I started to focus on my breathing as I walked through the door, standing around was my entire family. My mom, cousins, aunts, uncles, my poor grandfather, but all that I saw was her.

My everything, the warrior of the family, just laying there, and that is when it hit me. No breathing or self-talk would prepare me for what I saw. I fell into my cousin's arms, crying so hard I couldn't breathe.

We all said our goodbyes, we held hands, prayed, and whispered to her as we watched her take her last breath.

She was gone. We were lost for words, and in that second the world felt like it was ending. Days after her passing it seemed like the world had stopped. I couldn’t help but get angry every time I heard people complaining about pointless things. Her death opened my eyes and made me truly thankful every day because life can change in a blink of an eye. With visitations and funerals occurring no number of flowers or "sympathy cards" would make up for the fact that she was gone. Tears, many tears from all the people that she made an impact on in her life. Her husband, three children, five grandchildren, family and many friends came together to remember her.

Just like that in a blink of an eye, she was gone. She was our funny, loving and energetic grandma, wife, and mother and then she was gone. It’s hard to explain how the heart feels when you are faced with a devastating life changing event. It’s like a little piece just isn’t there anymore, and life isn’t as bright anymore like it used to.

Funeral day is here and it is time to say goodbye forever. As I stood by all my family members I had no idea how I would possibly be able to say goodbye to her. How can you say goodbye to someone who was such a big part of your life, such a vibrant and beautiful soul just gone...gone forever.

Maybe the hardest part about it all was the fact that no one really got to say goodbye, no one got to hug her one last time or hear her say “I love you, be safe” one last time. In seconds she went from being here with us to being completely gone. Thinking about the last time I saw her and talked to her brings me comfort in knowing that she knew how much I loved her. The hardest part was that at that time I had no idea that it would be the last time I would ever hug her and talk to her again.

All those years of love and joy and now she’s gone. How can you just say goodbye?

We love you, grandma 

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Saying Goodbye
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