Red Balloon

Life sucks, then you die. It’s a weird motto I live by. Every single day life gives you an obstacle, whether big or small. Maybe your car broke down and now you’re late for work. Or maybe you got to work early for once just to find out you were fired. Sucks, wouldn’t it? But now here’s the thing: a million things can go wrong today, but you always still have tomorrow. You see? No matter what could go wrong, as long as you’re still living, you keep trooping it day after day till you die, basically. But what happens when you feel like you can’t keep going? When you feel like you’re giving your all but it’s never enough? Life has a funny way of just giving you a big “F U!” most of the time when you least expect it.

At 13, my father was murdered. Mind you, he was in jail my entire life. There could have been a chance he would’ve been released, but who's to say now? He was released into a casket. I literally thought my world was ending. I was just so mad at the world; why is it fair that my father had to be killed when I never even got the chance to really know him? Mom got married and my new step father was taking the “father position,” but soon enough life showed me different.

I was grounded an entire summer for some childish things I did. My mother made me stay in my room and no one was allowed to visit me, except my step father. Because of course, life sucked so bad I ended up with a child molester for a step father. He then tried to convince me that everything was OK and that it was all a misunderstanding, that I didn’t want to anger my mom. I lived with the secret till I was 16 and when I finally told Mom, she didn’t believe me. I was thrown out at 18 and by then I had my first child.

I was living with my child’s father at his parents house. I thought all would go well even though I never really had a stable relationship with my child’s father. But just like everything else, life had different plans. Turns out, he was abusive. Go figure. I was spending more and more time trying to cover up bruise after bruise till it got to the point that he laid hands on our son for crying because he wanted a bottle. That’s when I finally reached out for help to an ex boyfriend. He went to my parents and next thing I knew I was back at my mother’s house. Sadly, life just kept throwing me into the dirt.

I ended up back with that ex boyfriend and we were actually happy; just him, my son and me. That is, until my step father made it some sort of mission to get us kicked out of the house. He would say and do anything to get my mother to fight with me, and the hot head she is, she listened. Eventually they divorced and all was well again. That’s when things started to get weird.

My mother started dating my child’s paternal grandfather. The family slowly but surely adjusted. Still don’t know how I’ll explain it to my child in a few years, but I’ll figure it out when I get there. As long as my mother is happy. Then comes life's curveball; I end up pregnant with my second child. Now it’s my boyfriend, my 2 kids, and myself living at my mother's. However that didn’t last too long; my mother threw me out by the time my second child turned 8 months. So we were living at my mother-in-law's house, which was an hour away from our town. But I had no other choice, not to mention it was 11 PM when my mother sent us out. So there I was, out of options and leaving everything in my boyfriend’s hands because I was giving up.

After living with my mother-in-law for a while my boyfriend finally rented us a home and we were moved in within a week. I couldn’t had been any happier. OUR home. I thought it would’ve been smooth sailing from there on out, and for the most part it was. Then it wasn't, because life can’t be that easy. We lived in front of a preschool and you could literally see the playground outside our window. So my eldest child thought it was be OK to wake up early in the morning and walk out the door to go to the school. Of course everyone in the house was asleep, so we had no knowledge of anything. Next thing I knew the police were at the door arresting me for child neglect. I don’t think I ever cried so much in my life like I did that day. All I wanted was to hug my child. They kept him at the school till I was finally released from custody and I ran four blocks from the police station home and all I wanted was my babies. They had me under investigation and with child services till they concluded that I was no threat to my children and my charges were dropped. So as you can see, just when you think life is going great, things can go wrong in a heartbeat.

I’ve been through a lot in life. And I don’t say any of this looking for sympathy. I tell you so you can understand that no matter how hard things get, you just have to keep fighting! Me today? I’m still with my boyfriend, going to be 6 years in July; I have 2 beautiful, healthy children, and we bought our first home. I went through hell to get to where I am today, but all of that makes me the person that I am today. It makes me stronger and makes me realize if I fought through what I thought were my lowest moments, I can get through anything. It’s all about forgiving and forgetting, that is key.