Recovering Mom

As a recovering mother, I would love to tell my story.

It all started about 11 years ago. My life was a happy place. I was doing well in High School and plans were being made to go to college. As I entered my senior year of high school my life went from amazing to hazy in a heartbeat. I had started a new school and needed new friends, somehow I fell in with the wrong crowd. The drinkers and partiers. My first drink and drug I tried was at 17-years-old. I was hooked. I had a way of escaping my own reality, a way of getting to know my inner-most desires. As I continued through high school, my plans of college became a vanishing dream, my life a whirlwind of drinks and parties. My job, my savings, and my life was spent during that last year of high school. I barely graduated, barely remember graduating. The lifestyle of partying and drinking was the only thing on my mind. I quickly became a couch surfer, moving from place to place not having anything stable or anyone by my side, but that drink and that drug. Just after I turned 19, my own mother sent me off to a summer break hoping I would dry out and get myself straight in Tucson, Arizona. Instead of drying out, instead of sobering up, I found new friends to drink with the army camp. I dragged myself further and further down the desperate hole I was building in my life. Eventually, I was forced to leave Arizona. I came home, met a boy, fell in "love," and had a child at 20-years-old. The love of my life cheated on me for a new love of his life. My love for parties, new drugs, old drugs, and drinking was always up front. I eventually lost my daughter, leaving her to grow up without a mom. As time passes I fell in and out of desprate trouble, abusive relationships, and worsening habits that I wouldn't and couldn't control. I had two other wonderful children and eventually CPS came, stepped in, and stepped up while I was unable to be a mom. I lost all care custody and control of my children. But thankfully this is almost where my tragic tale ends. As CPS came in, they found I had severe issues with drugs and alcohol and heavy depression. This time in my life had become, by far, the most difficult with watching both of my little boys getting packed up and leaving our little home then being diagnosed with alcoholism and drug addiction. I was placed into a rehab with counseling, for all drug, alcohol, and all depression issues. I spent eighteen months helping myself. Slowly I got better, but sadly in that case, my children became adopted. I fell back to the dark recesses of my mind after that happened. I allowed my alcoholism to kick up, not like in the beginning, but just drinking quite often and trying to hide it while managing a somewhat normal life. Through this process, I would get sober for a small amount of time then lose it again. This process repeated itself over and over until I found a sponsor and read a very special twelve-step book. After working hard to stay sober and trusting the process, I have the ability to stay completely sober and drug-free. I am working at a wonderful job now and that little girl I mentioned is seven-years-old. And I have partial custody of her today!