Reasons a Sensitive Dad Is the Father Every Son Needs

If you don't know your way around your own feelings, the world's not going to make a whole lot of sense, you're going to be hard to be around, and you might make a whole lot of bad decisions. That's because feelings are basically the biggest parts of life. You're only even able to have thoughts about things because you had feelings first! That's why a sensitive dad is the father every son needs: so we're not burdened by emotionally stunted males who make terrible decisions and hurt everyone around them.

Emotional Validation

Regardless of how accurate the content of someone's worries are, those worries have value in and of themselves by virtue of being experienced by that person. But when you're a little boy, you might not know that. This is especially the case in a culture that every day tells every boy that men don't feel sad or afraid. It's hard to access those feelings when your heroes are known for being unemotional, like Batman. That's why a sensitive dad is the father every son needs: they teach their sons that their feelings matter.

If someone shares their worries with you, it's appropriate to thank them for doing so because putting worries into words is an act that requires strength in and of itself. After all, ours is a society that prizes the pursuit of happiness to the point of perversion, twisting a universal emotion into a blood-sucking squid whose tendrils ensnare all aspects of society. Happiness would join The Joker and Bane among Batman's greatest foes!

Can you imagine if Batman said to Alfred that he was feeling sad about his parents' death and that it was hard to be happy even though he's a billionaire playboy? He might have tackled the systemic causes of crime in Gotham and put a stop to Arkham Asylum's outrageous recidivism problem!

Toxic Masculinity

A sensitive dad is the kind of dad every boy needs because he'll shield his son from the things boys learn by age 5 that perpetuate rape culture. The alternative to an emotionally validating worldview is the internalization of toxic masculinity and the perpetuation of rape culture. That's when a man's life revolves around dominance and not showing emotion unless that emotion is anger. For toxic males, there's a seemingly bottomless reservoir of anger because anger is often the expression of pain, and it can be very painful to keep one's feelings to one's self. That's because labeling is literally the means by which we minimize the severity of our feelings.

The inability to put one's feelings into words may also serve as a precursor to violence. If you have a little boy who answers, "I feel like hitting somebody!" when you ask him to express his anger, then you've got a potential future Joker henchman on your hands. "Hitting somebody" is not a feeling! That articulation fails to minimize the severity of that feeling! And if all they know is shouting and hitting then they're likely to lean into that behavior as well.

That's why a sensitive dad is a father every son needs: they're role models good behaviour for their sons while also inoculating them against violent ideologies.

No Assault

A sensitive dad is the father every son needs because they'll tell their sons not to commit sexual assault or other acts of violence. Sensitive dads can just tell their sons that the overwhelming majority of violence against women, children, and other men is committed by men. Sensitive dads should teach their sons the things women are expected to do at work but shouldn't.

A sensitive father can also teach their sons about America's white supremacist heteronormative ableist, classist, and cisgender biased history. This is especially important for fathers of white boys, who need to teach their white sons that fathers of black and brown boys teach their sons lessons about how to not be murdered by the police.

What all these dads have in common is that they're basically teaching their sons a 300 level college course but because dad is the teacher, he levels with the students. And since there are no other students around, it's not embarrassing when Dad says, "I love you."

Love!

A sensitive dad is the father every son needs because not only will the son learn to feel comfortable expressing love toward his family but he'll also learn to express love toward other men. That spares us from a world where every boy grows up to be Chandler Bing. "Could I be anymore homophobic?" Sure, Chandler, you could be telling us to give Trump a chance, which is in line with our assessment that Chandler Bing is the worst thing about watching Friends in 2015 (and beyond).

Men who are uncomfortable expressing their love toward other men are obnoxious. If you're a man who's had the same male friends for over 25 years but you can't tell them you love them or hug them then, guess what, it's time to grow up. Seriously. You love your male friends. That is love. When you've been friends for that long you may even have reached Mr. Rogers levels of love, meaning that you believe that, "Love isn't a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like 'struggle.' To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now." That's how you feel about your bros. You're going to watch them die and attend their funerals and you can't even say, "I love you!" SMH.

Better Music Taste

A sensitive dad is the father every son needs so that their sons have better taste in music. We don't want sons only listening to nu-metal or trap! It's 2018: no one should be listening to Slipknot. And soon enough we'll be saying the same thing about Mike WiLL Made-It productions (YOUNG METRO FOR LIFE!)

A sensitive dad will teach his son how to experience a whole range of emotions through the arts. Music doesn't have to be a mask that we wear; it can help us experience and discharge emotions rather than form unhealthy attachments. And a sensitive dad will also teach his sons that their music tastes aren't the metric against which all other people's tastes in music are graded. DO NOT BE THAT GUY WHO JUDGES PEOPLE'S MUSIC! Making fun of Slipknot does not count! Even those guys don't want to be associated with being in Slipknot; that's why they wear masks.

Learning to Sit with Hard Feelings

If you're not comfortable with your feelings, you may seek escape. Many people self-medicate to deal with their feelings or to mitigate undiagnosed mental illness. Others make brash decisions because they're just not used to feeling anxious, angry, or excited. You are under no obligation to do anything with those feelings! And a sensitive dad is the father every son needs so that boys grow up into adults who are comfortable just feeling their feelings rather than being control by them.

Otherwise, those sons might find themselves in the parking lot of a supermarket washing down slices of red velvet cake with whole milk because they feel sad. And they're not even enjoying that cake! They're just shoveling it down and experiencing low-grade euphoria off all the refined sugars. Then they gain weight and the cycle repeats. It's the binge eater's ouroboros; a snake eating its own tail so it doesn't have to feel its feelings.

Self-Esteem

It's hard to be an American because we're always bombarded with images of perfection. And a lot of times those images are catered to us because we've been willingly giving away our data to companies like Facebook and Google. What else do you think is going on every time we post on FB or buy something on Amazon? We're helping them build the very Terminators that hunt us down! "Alexa, can you make me feel ashamed for not making enough money? And Siri, can you help me feel inadequate about how I dress? Now can the two of you talk about me like I'm even not in the room with you?" Woof.

A sensitive dad is the father every son needs because a sensitive dad has been there himself and knows all about jealousy, comparing one's self to others, and being down in the dumps. He also knows that perfection is something the man made up to keep us down and that the specter of perfection haunts all our endeavors. "The metrics by which you judge yourself aren't necessarily the metrics by which other people judge you. Also, who's this person judging you? Some jerk? Who cares what some jerk thinks?! They're just using you as a proxy to work through their own BS. You do you!" A sensitive dad keeps you honest. If "you do you" means being a bad dude, he'll call you out on it.

Empathy

America's perverse form of capitalism is the by-product of an already alienated mind. Everyone is separate from everyone else, society is made up of individuals who enter into associations with one another only because of rational self-interest, and each person is in competition with every person. That sounds rough, America! That sound like a real hard way to live. Sounds like it's America that's in the parking lot of a supermarket eating cake slices. Put down the red velvet!

That idea of what the world is like makes so little sense that it can only be interpreted as an expression of repressed emotions and a childhood marred either by tumult or the normalization of exploitation (rich people being taught that they deserve their wealth; also known as affluenza). That's why a sensitive dad is the father every son needs: they teach their sons to actually care about how other people feel.

When you put your feelings into words, those feelings are no longer there between yourself and others, and you're able to achieve a sense of emotional intimacy. You're also able to have empathy for other people because you've released enough of your own pain that you can feel the pain of others. We can tell if you're holding onto pain when anytime someone shares a story about something bad that happened to them, you minimize it and start talking about your own pain. A sensitive dad is the father every son needs so that son learns how to let go of that pain.

To Go to Therapy as an Adult

Addiction is a disease. Some people can have drinks all their lives and never become alcoholics; others never forget the first time liquor hit their tongues because that moment would go on to define the rest of their lives. It may be hard, but at some point if you have a substance abuse problem, a hard time managing your emotions, or a mental illness, you've got to get yourself to a therapist! A sensitive dad is the father every son needs because the heavy lifting that dad did in the early stages of their child's development will make the men their sons grow into more likely to seek treatment. And that can make the difference between life and death, or a good life and a bad one.

For the Dad's Sake

Can you imagine having a disappointing son?! One who grew up to vote for President Sex Criminal? An emotional vampire who only complains about other people? Who doesn't visit you when you're sick because he'd rather do something else? Maybe he doesn't even call because he just doesn't like keeping in touch, and when he does call his conversation is awful!

50% of the reason that a sensitive dad is the father every son needs is so that that dad has a good son for himself! Sure, that son could grow up to be a burden on society; but it's easier for society to shoulder the burden of a disappointing son than for a father to own their own poor parenting.

Just imagine, lying in a hospital bed, ill. The best your son can do conversationally is retell the plot of a movie. He's telling you about how feminism is ruining society, and then he drops the bombshell that he can't afford his health insurance and he needs to borrow money. You let out an exasperated, "Goddamn Trump," and your son replies, "But her emails!" In that moment, you decide to will your heart to stop, and before you even flatline your son is already trying to slip the watch off your wrist. If you don't want that to happen, you have to be a sensitive father for your son!