Raising an Autistic Child

I have a perfect, insane 2-year-old little boy; Aki is his nickname and what we will call him here. To say that he keeps me on my toes would be putting it mildly. Let's start from the beginning:

I met his biological father on New Year's Eve of 2014, going into 2015. I had recently gone through a rough break-up and did not wish to spend the evening alone, and apparently, his father felt the same way, so I went to his home, where I had met him for the first time. We decided that we liked each other and, so began a short-lived relationship. It wasn't long before I uncovered some dirty secrets he hid, such as his obsession with his ex-girlfriend and his unwillingness to work hard. He came from a fairly wealthy family, with whom he still lived with, so why would he?

I wanted a baby, something that my recent ex had not wanted, being one of the many reasons we decided to go on our own ways. Chad and I discussed my desire for a baby, and he supposedly shared that same desire. Even though he and I only dated for about four months, my dream came true. About a week or so after I called it quits, I discovered that I was pregnant. Upon this discovery, I reached out to Chad, of course, to share the news. Rather than being supportive, as I had expected from him, he accused me of lying and exclaimed that he did not wish to be involved, so there I was, alone and pregnant. Be careful what you wish for.

He is overly attached to me, always has been. I assumed this was the norm for a little boy, and his pediatrician had informed me that it may be due to the fact that I've stayed home with him all of his life, that he knows nothing else but me. The short period of time I did work, he and I both barely slept, as he began "needing" me to simply fall asleep. He wanted to cuddle me every moment of every day, as if he was terrified that I was leaving him. When I dropped him off at daycare, he would scream as if someone were beating him. When I was able to get him to fall asleep, he would often wake up in the middle of the night, letting out a scream as if he had just witnessed something horrid and unimaginable. He began sleeping with me, as it was the only way I was able to get either one of us some sleep. He also took advantage, though, believing that since he was with mommy, he could play or watch cartoons rather than cuddle and go to sleep. His pediatrician diagnosed him with sleep onset disturbance disorder and described him as being "unable to soothe himself to sleep without assistance." He suggested that I tuck him in and for every five minutes that he is still crying, to go into his room and remind him that I am still here and tuck him back in, increasing the five minute time-frame to ten, fifteen, then thirty minutes until he is able to fall asleep by himself without distress. It didn't work, as every time I left his side again, his terror became more and more intense. We would both be up repeating this routine for hours on hours, sometimes until 1 in the morning or later.

He was also not speaking as I felt he should be, and so at his two-year checkup, I discussed this concern with his pediatrician who also felt that he was behind in his speech. For instance, rather than telling me that he is thirsty, he would cry. He was evaluated by the state of Georgia for the Babies Can't Wait program, which would assist him in receiving services so to bring him "up to speed," per say. He qualified for such assistance and began not only speech therapy but also occupational therapy due to my discussing his "emotional" issues during his evaluation. He also becomes excessively angry over the most minor things, angry to the point of screaming, throwing things, and hitting people repeatedly. It was theorized that such anger was due to his inability to discuss his needs, leading to frustration. He is now able to discuss his needs, but his anger has not subsided.

His speech has improved, after months of weekly speech therapy appointments; however, he still "babbles." The majority of his speech is incoherent, I am only able to understand a word or two out of his babble. He also pronounces most things strangely, requiring effort to understand what he is referring to. His occupational therapist theorized that, in regard to his frustration and preoccupation with me, he has not successfully completed Erikson's "secure vs insecure" stage of development. She also described him as being a "baby genius." Many who have evaluated him have described him as being cognitively advanced beyond his years, but with such great news, I also have been informed of the numerous "red flags" and was advised to have him assessed for Autism.

Some of these include: He is fascinated by cars, anything with wheels, really. He owns an abundant amount of toy cars in various sizes, and he spends his time mainly lining these cars up perfectly on either the living room table or the edge of our couch. He becomes insanely agitated if his perfect arrangement of these cars is disturbed, even if he's the one who caused the disruption. He is obsessed, to say the least, with car keys, and will pitch the fit of all fits to get to keys, even if they are not within sight. He is not easily distracted, stuck on what he is doing, and will often act as if others do not exist, even when they are attempting to grab his attention. Both his previous daycare teachers and current Early Head Start teachers had discussed concerns with his "sociability," stating that he wishes to remain alone and becomes upset when another attempts to play with him and sometimes even simply close to him.

I recently took him to see a Pediatric Psychologist, a two-hour drive from where we reside, for evaluation of Autism. The first visit was for her to simply speak with me and to spend some time with him to decide whether she also feels that he needs the evaluation, and she concluded that he would benefit from the evaluation. She then sent in the preauthorization request with our insurance and sent me home with, yet another, huge pamphlet of paperwork asking about his behaviors since infancy. She also sent a form for his teacher to complete. After waiting for about three weeks, we returned for the evaluation, and during such evaluation, he acted completely different than his normal self. He engaged with the evaluator (the psychologist's assistant), she was able to distract him easily from toy to toy, and she was even able to remove his toy car from his hand without witnessing his anger. I was astounded, to say the least. I could not believe my eyes. Now, this is not to say that some of his "normal" behavioral traits did not shine through, as they did, just with less intensity.

I am now awaiting the results of his evaluation, panicked and anxious. She stated that it may take four to eight weeks for the report, but yet I am told that I am "fortunate" to have found a psychologist who takes her time in comparing his hands-on evaluation with my paperwork regarding his behaviors with the DSM-V (the diagnostic manual for mental disorders). Yes, I am fortunate, as I do desire an accurate diagnosis; however, the wait is unbearable. If the reports do not indicate Autism, then I question what is going on with my precious toddler, my baby boy. If the report does indicate Autism, the appointments that are already numerous double, at least. I am already taking him to an occupational therapist, a speech therapist, evaluations by the state of Georgia, evaluations by Primary schools for Special Ed programs, and I attend a "class" on handling his anger and fits. I have so much more to learn. I do already describe my son as being Autistic due to the various Professionals who already describe him as such. To say that I am overwhelmed and exhausted would be the understatement of the year.