Prologue

I was sitting on the couch wrapped up in a blanket, drinking hot chocolate when my phone rang. It was only 7 pm so I was not sure who could possibly be calling me. It was my mom. I knew any dreaded phone call after my sister had her baby was going to be a dreaded one.

"Hello, what are you doing?" she says in a shaky voice.

"Just watching TV, what's up?" I ask, kind of scared of what she possibly has to tell me.

"I need you to go get the kids, Jason beat the shit out of your sister because she was having a mental break down about not wanting the kids anymore." She is speaking what seems like slow motion. Each word just fell out of her mouth.

The last year of my life has been a freaking train wreck let alone the added stress of my sister, who at best is a caregiver. She and Jason have been together for about 5 years now and this past year he started beating the shit out of her, cheats on her, and even knocked up some girl he cheated on her with. The last time they had a brawl the second youngest ran out into the road and child protective services was called and now they are in the system for five years. One more fuck up and the kids are taken from them. He was in jail when she found out she was pregnant as well. As with all the excuses not to leave a domestic violent relationship is because of the kids and so she stayed and did not press charges.

I hung up the phone and got in my car, carrying along a baseball bat in case he decided he wanted to get funny with me. I rounded up the kids and their things. I now had a newborn, 5, 7, and 15 years old in my care. What was I going to do?!

Dcfs was called and sat down with my mother and I and talked about our options. My mother did not want them going into the system, but she was too disabled to care for a newborn.

No pressure on me right? Wrong, I had a newborn, 3 other kids every other weekend, nursing school and work! What was I going to do?!

After several sleepless nights, Christmas break was over and it was time to go back to school. My phone buzzes, it's my babysitter canceling at the last minute. Of course! Now what?! Screw it, I'm taking him with me. Loading up the car seat with this tiny little human that was not even my child, I throw a blanket over the top and head out to the car. I strap the car seat in and jump in the front seat while the car is still warming up. No use is trying to find a last minute sitter and causing more stress. Little J starts to fuss in the back seat. I tuck down the blanket and give him his little blue pacifier and put the car in reverse. Before I know it, I am driving 65 on the freeway headed to my Biology class that Lord knows I don't even want to be at.

I pull up to the school and there are about 25 cars in the lot.

"I hope all these cars are not for my class..." A pit forms in my stomach.

I unbuckle Little J and lift the carrier out of the car being careful not to walk on ice. The little guy is sound asleep. For a moment I just look at him and think about all the other things I could be doing right now if I didn't have him to look after. I hike the carrier to rest on my hip so all the weight is not on my arm and trek up to the building. The building is empty except for the occasional overachiever staying after to finish his homework. I shuffle past the stairs and to the elevator I go. NO WAY was I about to go up two flight of stairs with a car seat and wet shoes!

I finally reach the classroom and of course, everyone arrived early. What am I thinking 15 minutes was early enough? I take a seat by the door in case I need to get out of there. Everyone just stared at me with their misunderstood looks and I hear the whispers of a girl saying how she is a single mother and doesn't bring her children to class. I want to snap, I really want to snap, but I don't I sit there. The teacher gives me a confused look but doesn't say anything and begins class.

"Alright class, it is now time to start class," he says rather loudly. I look down at J and he is still sound asleep. "Let me introduce myself, I am Mr. Walker and I will be your Biology teacher for the rest of the semester." He continues on and before I know it, it was time for our 15-minute break that he allowed. I pulled out leftovers from yesterday, a pork chop with chicken rice. I noticed the time, it was 7:15, I knew J would be waking for his feeding sometime soon, so I get out the formula and the bottle I brought with water in it. I unscrew the cap and scoop the formula up. It's been a week and I still don't have the hang of this pouring the formula in without dumping some. I giggle as I shovel another bite into my mouth.

I see something move out of the corner of my eye, it is Mr. Walker. He is headed right for me, his face expressionless. He takes a seat next to me and I scan the room, nobody is in here, but us. I think to myself, this is it, I'm going to get thrown out of my first day of class.

"I am so sorry Mr. Walker, it's...I...it's not what you think," I stammer over my words, not really sure where I was going with it.

He raised his hand to stop me, "You and your baby are welcome here anytime if you don't have a babysitter, I will reserve your seat by the door from here on out."

"Thank you so much, sir, but this isn't my baby," I said and explained the situation.

"You are one brave girl." He said as the room began to fill with people.

He rambles on about the syllabus and all the policies while I am just dreaming about what my future will look like one day. I am interrupted when I start to hear this groaning, I look around the room wondering who would be so rude to groan in the middle of the teacher talking. Then it hit me, it's the baby, the one I forgot about for a few minutes! The guy next to me giggles a little bit, he could read everything I just thought about. I blush and look at J's little body stretching in the car seat. Just days old I lift him out of the car seat and lay him on my legs letting him finish stretching. He looks up at me and grins from ear to ear and I can't help but laugh a little. I cradle him in my arms and give him a bottle. I finally start to pay attention and begin to jot down notes. It's burping time, I lift him up and put him on my shoulder and start to pat his back. He spits up all over me and the guy sitting next to me must have been watching the hold time and offers to hold him so I can go clean myself up. I walk back into the room and he is just holding him and they are both glaring at each other and smiling. I take my seat next to him.

"Beleive it or not, I don't like kids," he whispers.

Not sure if I believed him or not, I wrapped up my stuff, including this child that was not mine. Class was over.