Pregnancy Grumpiness

So, as far as pregnancies go, mine has been rather smooth. It was going so smooth that I didn't even find out until 5 months into it. So, I can't really complain about much on that front. It's been mostly smooth sailing.

But as I approach the last few weeks, things have started to change. As we creep closer to the day our little one arrives, things are becoming less smooth.

He could show up any day now. He could wait as long as he likes. I have no control over when he shows up. I have no control over anything right now. And that is a little terrifying.

Especially for someone who is used to having control over most of the aspects of her life. The lack of control has likely been the biggest hang up for me in processing all of this. I just have to embrace that it will happen the way it happens and, in the end, I will have a little one.

And I definitely won't have any control over him. I will be a bit of a slave to his needs for a while, but that is a completely different bridge to cross.

All in all, I'm having a bit of the last minute panic that is apparently rather normal during pregnancy. The fear of how labour will go. The fear about delivery. The fear of being a good mother. It all mounds up on top of you suddenly and then you find yourself sitting on the kitchen floor crying for no apparent reason.

Add in the mass amount of hormones in my system right now. Add in swollen feet. Add in insomnia. Add in leaking boobs. It all gets mounded together and you just have to sit down, shed a few tears, and take a deep breath.

Women have been giving birth forever. That's what I remind myself. And there has to be some benefit at the end of all of this that keeps many women (not all) wanting to do it over again. Whether it's the pleasure of raising a child or the massive hormone boost you get after delivery, I can't say for sure. But I guess I'm about to find out.

The last month is the final stretch. You are aware that your little one could come any day now. Your body is going through a bunch of different changes as you get ready to give birth. You are running around gathering last minute things. You are nesting hardcore.

It is a very confusing time. It's a very stressful time. And if, in order to get through it, you need to cry a bit, that's fine. If you need to spend the entire day on the couch binge-watching your favourite show in order to not kill every member of your household, so be it.

You do what you have to do in order to get through those last few weeks.

But if I have any advice it's to enjoy the quiet moments. Enjoy the relaxing moments. Enjoy that time with your partner. Because someone else is about to be the centre of your existence and it will be a while before you have the luxury of ignoring them.

So take this time to yourself. You might be uncomfortable. You might be cranky. You might want to cry and scream and hate everyone. It doesn't matter what state you're in. Try to find those moments to yourself. Try to enjoy your life as it is right now.

Because everything is about to change for you. And you'll just have to ride that roller coaster when it comes.