Pass Me the Moon Please Mummy

Visiting the #moonexhibition at London’s #NaturalHistoryMuseum this June got me to thinking about my parenting.

It triggered a memory of being about six years old, lying in bed, unable to sleep, and chatting to my daddy whilst looking out the window at the night sky, and him saying to me, “if I could give you the moon I would.”

Has that very statement stuck with me and shaped my own parenting style? Have I set my child up for failure at every turn by giving her the moon?

A lot of what we do as parents is shaped by the very childhoods we experienced isn’t it? All the parts we felt we lacked as kids, we over ensure our kids have.

I was born in the 70s, and grew up in the 70s and 80s in poverty. My dad was always out working, and mum was in the kitchen or sewing something at the dining table. Other children’s memories from those times are of going to Spain on holiday, and days out in the family car. Mine are of moments we all sat together to eat a meal as there was enough food for the five of us; or the strange, white boxy cupboard being delivered that the milk went in, and not needing to keep topping the milk bottle bucket up with cold water on hot days to stop it going bad, or bringing it in from the garden to defrost in winter! That once-a-week family bath where the last of the washing up liquid was eeked out to wash our hair! The taking it in turns to have breakfast before school, so there was enough cereal for the week. Oh and the washing machine arriving, I was nine years old, and that was a massive thing. Clean clothes. Really clean clothes. Whilst my friends regaled me with their tales of summers in foreign lands, and flying in planes in the sky, my summer holidays were about playing in the fields round the allotment, chasing butterflies, and building forts from twigs. We moved round the country chasing jobs for my dad living in council rented properties, wearing clothes donated by well meaning family, friends, and strangers.

I look at my children’s childhood, and see the moon. We’ve given them the moon. I always wanted the moon, and as that six year old child talking to her daddy that night, I vowed when I grew up and had children, they would have the moon. That’s a strange feeling to remember that moment, and think my whole parenting style has been pivoted on that one late night conversation whispered to the starry sky.

Now I’m in panic mode thinking have I inadvertently created materialistic monsters who will never be happy with their lot in life? Have I set my children up for constant adulthood failure? Have we all done similar? Is the increasing turn of society towards narcissism a result of our parenting, because we grew up poor in money?

So our daughter turned 18 in June, and she decided she didn’t want a car like all her friends seemed to receive, not that that was an option we could afford! She wanted to go to London and buy a bag in Harrods. As dutiful parents we took our child’s dream holiday ideas, and made them real, we gave her the moon.

The five of us trotted off to London, bought the bag from Harrods that was the cost of three all inclusive peak season tickets to Turkey. Slept over at the zoo, and had a one to one with the rainbow penguins. Dined out at Hardrock cafe and had tea in Claridges, that was another all inclusive ticket priced plate of sandwiches and scones with a brew served up on pretty crockery. Add in Harry Potter, Uber taxis everywhere, and the rent of an apartment for the week, and we would’ve enjoyed an all inclusive stay in Turkey in the summer holidays with the kids and a couple of their friends too! In short we bought a brand new car. That car we couldn’t afford. But we have some amazing memories, really amazing ones. The debt is worth it.

Looking to my child’s future, is she going to be disappointed and depressed, and feel like a constant failure because as parents we gave her the moon?

The gap between wages and mortgages is so large now, it’s a worrying reality that she will never own the house she dreams of. With minimum wage being the wage norm, will she ever earn enough to go on holidays or buy a car?

Add in the pressure of materialism via social media to have the latest designer handbags and clothes with matching make up, and boom you have a narcissism cesspit of doom. It’s sucking our children in and holding onto them tight.

But we created that.

Because we are children of the 70s that had nothing, we gave our children the moon, and created monsters so self absorbed we’ve destroyed society's best attributes... the caring and sharing compassion.

We gave our children the moon, and took away the sun.