Parenthood

Parenthood is fun, challenging, puzzling, wonderful, perplexing, infuriating, delightful, awe-inspiring, crazy, and overall: weird. I love being a parent. I am the parent of a wonderful, fun, imaginative, caring, infuriating, tenacious four-year-old boy. I love him so much. He is my world, and I know from the way he looks at me, that I am his.

I sit here typing this up while he has TV time. I try limiting his TV time, but sometimes that doesn't work so well. I'm sure many parents have had certain elements that they've had the same problem with. I look at him staring at the TV and my heart swells. He is my boy. He is smart, loving, loves to play with Legos. He pals around with my brother's dog. He loves watching Minecraft Youtube videos, Lego Youtube videos, PJ Masks, the Lego Movie, Lego Ninjago, and Super Why. He makes me happy, sad, mad, and loved all at the same moment, and I can't explain how. Anyone who has been a parent I'm sure can identify with me.

Parenting is weird. One minute I'm playing with him, chasing him around the house and we're having a blast. The next minute, he's gotten into something he shouldn't have. I ask him if he has and while the evidence is either on his face or strewn around him he denies he has done a thing. One minute he can be loving on me and the next push me away saying "No!" to kisses, even though I can tell he really does want to be loved by his Momma. I just don't think kisses were what he wanted. Parenthood is a crazy ride. I've only been a parent for four years, and it totally changed my world view.

I was one of those typical non-parent people when I didn't have a kid. I thought that situations were as easy as disciplining a child whether that be a time out or a spanking (open hand, below the waist) and boy was I wrong! Sometimes is a combination thereof, or something completely different. It really depends on the child. I thought it was going to be fun clothes, happy times, and smiles. It is that sometimes. Though more often than not because my boy is learning how to be a person in this world its tears, yelling, time out, and messy clothes. Parenting is hard, but it is worth it!

I love being a mom. It is the single most rewarding things I have ever done. It is worth all of the tears, yelling, time outs, and spankings. It's worth it because on the other side of the spectrum there are hugs, kisses, cuddles, and holding hands. There are play time, tickles and fun games. Imagination and pretend. I have learned more about myself than I ever did at university. I have learned I need to be more patient. I have learned that a loving gesture no matter how small has more meaning than anything they show in movies. I have learned unconditional love is truly unconditional. I have learned that no matter how he or I behave that we will always love each other, and that is something that no one can take away.

I have also learned parenting is weird. You will find yourself saying things you never thought you'd say in your entire life. I've said things like "Stop licking the dog!" and "Get the rocks out of your mouth!" Just now as I write this, he started to put his blanket in his mouth and I said to him "take your blanket out of your mouth. We really gotta break you outta that habit." He pulled the blanket out of his mouth. Ran over to the couch climbed on it. Looked out the window, then proceeded to lean on me, hug me, and press his cheek against mine. That, that is what parenting is. It's saying something you never thought you'd ever say, then your child becoming a sweet little love bug, giving you cuddles. Then going back to what he was doing. It's the little things that mean everything.

There are many people out there who don't want to have kids and that is okay. They will get small snippets of what we as parents, get on a daily basis. Their life will not be empty. I promise you. If they have nieces, nephews or friends with kids they will get small snippets of interaction and affection. My siblings love my son, and while they do not have kids of their own they still get the enriching experience of having a child present in their lives. My cousins are the same way. They have a different opinion on having kids, but they still enjoy my son's presence. I am glad my choice of having a son can also enrich other lives too, even if it's small.

I've known my whole life that I wanted to be a Mom, I have always wanted to have a child. I've always wanted to nurture another life, see it grow and let it free into the world to do what they were meant to do. I know that having a child is deemed "selfish" by many people. I do not agree since I am a parent myself. I can tell you it is the least selfish thing you can do. If you want to deem someone as selfish, I say look at the people who are more focused on themselves. When you have a child or children, you have to be focused on them, their needs and wants. Selfishness has no room in parenting. If a selfish person has a child, it can be a symptom of an overarching selfish personally and narcissism, but the child will suffer for it. This is where people with severe mental illness come from. The selfish parent neglects, beats or does awful things to their child in pursuit of their own selfish reasons and personal gains.

If you are parenting correctly, selfishness has no room in the equation. If you are parenting correctly, the child grows to be who they want to be. They have their own dreams and ambitions. They have their own world views and have the knowledge of being independent. A healthily raised child will have their own traits apart from their parental figure. The child of a selfish parent will suffer instead of flourish. The children of selfish parents will have anxiety issues before they even reach high school. I know this from witnessing it with my own classmates. A selfish parent hurts their child for their own gains. An unselfish parent will make sure their child is their own personal selves and respects their child's personality, dreams, and ambitions within a set of boundaries.

A person who knows they will be that selfish type of parent, and chooses not to have children, is a good person. They know already they can't give that child what they need to flourish and grow, so they decide it's not a good idea to have children. I've heard this from many people. When I first heard this point of view, I got defensive. I have low self-esteem, and that makes you think weird things. For example, when someone makes a decision about their life, they're putting you down for doing the opposite of what they're doing. Which is just stupid for me to think, but that's how it happens sometimes. I would tell them that someday that they would change their minds and eventually have kids. That was unwise of me to do because a person knows themselves better than anyone else does. I respect people that tell me that they don't want to have kids. I respect that they tell me about their own dreams, reasons, and the responsibilities they have without children. However, with that said. I don't respect the people who make fun of people who have kids, want to have kids and kids.

The people who make fun, belittle and devalue having kids, wanting to have kids or little kids disgust me. I understand if someone doesn't like kids or being around kids. What I don't understand are devaluing kids, their parents or prospective parents. There is a YouTuber I used to watch that made comedy videos. I loved her and her videos until she made a video making fun of kids and their parents. I immediately unsubscribed. There is no reason to do that. None at all. We are not the butt of your jokes. Our kids are not the butt of your jokes. We deserve more respect than that. I get it you don't want to have kids. I am fine with that and am one of the populations what won't hound you to have kids. It's your decision. We are not created for one purpose, so I respect your decision for not being a parent, but you should return that respect. You should respect that I am a different person than you and that I chose to have a child/children. Why make fun of a child who is only doing what they are made to do? They are learning. I'm sure you weren't as respectable as you are now when you were four either. You were learning too. We don't pop out of our Mother's womb knowing table manners, indoor voices, to wash our hands before a meal or to be reasonable. Hello!

Back to the main topic, I didn't write this article to lecture non-parents who make fun of parents, prospective parents or kids. I wrote this article to celebrate being a parent and all that comes with it. Parenting is difficult, but it's rewarding. I rather have been a parent than not. I feel my life is enriched having my son by my slide. It's fun to see them grow. It's fun to see their personalities develop. My son has had a personality as soon as his brain started to process what was around it in the womb. He has always hated small spaces, has always had a great sense of humor and has always loved his Mama. His little personality has developed since he was just a tiny embryo in my uterus. I still remember if I had one of those pregnancy belts on that support your tummy that he would kick and punch it until I took it off. I eventually ended up throwing it away! After he was born, he would still demonstrate he didn't like being restricted. He would cry and complain when his arms were stuck in a onesie or when he was in a small space where he couldn't move. He would cry when his arms got stuck in his snowsuit until I removed the snowsuit or would help him get his arm back in the sleeve. He has always been funny and wanted to cheer his Mama up if she was sad. He would make funny sounds when he was a baby at only three months old when he saw I was sad. I was at my Mom's and had gotten in an argument with his father online and I was crying. My son at three months made this funny sound and it made me smile, then he continued until he thought I felt better. I was so surprised!

My son has always had a penchant for drawing and building. His drawings went from scribbles to recognizable shapes just this year. He has been drawing since he was less than a year old. My sister, who is an artist herself handed him a piece of paper and a multi-colored pencil and he went to town. My sister watched him draw his little scribbles, and you could tell from the shape, how smooth the scribbles were or how jagged they were what he was feeling. My sister would talk to him while he was drawing and watch him. When she said certain things and could match up what he felt about it with how his drawing changed. It was amazing, she showed me those drawings, and demonstrated what she did and I was in awe.

My son has always had a love of creation. It really showed when he started playing with Legos and blocks. He would play with these huge blocks when he was really tiny, he at first chewed on them as all babies do. Don't worry they were too big for him to swallow! Then he started putting two together and pulling them apart. I slowly learned he really didn't like those blocks, so I got him blocks that were an off brand of the Lego Duplo blocks, and he loved them! He would build simple things, like a tower of the blocks, or what we would recognize as a wall. He would then pull those apart and do it again. His father then got the smaller Legos, mostly for himself, but our son couldn't help himself he had to try. He would make simple things like building a tower with the legos. He would make a type of flat building, that had different types of lego bricks but all on one plane. He would do that for a while. He then started watching more Lego centered youtube videos and soon after that, he was making more complex buildings. He would make his version of a house, or different characters from TV, movies, video games, and such.

My son has watched his father play Minecraft since he was a newborn, and that got instilled in him too. He can play Minecraft for hours if I let him and build all sorts of nonsensical stuff, but he enjoys it. He also watches Minecraft Youtube videos. We mostly put those on while he has playtime. I have to say Youtube has been a wealth of inspiration for my son. His lego builds have gotten more sophisticated since watching these videos, and his passion for them has grown. He is a watcher and internalizer. He'll watch someone build a Lego set on Youtube and translate that to his own lego builds. He'll watch someone come up with their own builds for certain characters in lego and do one of his own. It's amazing to see.

This is why being a parent is so awesome. You are seeing this tiny life you brought into this world grow and mature. You are seeing their personalities develop, and their passions grow. I wouldn't be surprised if my son ended p being a master builder for lego one day. If he doesn't that's okay too, as long as he is happy. I don't press expectations on him that are unreasonable, or expectations that I had for myself in my youth. I don't do that because he is not me, he is his own person. It is irresponsible for anyone to put their dreams on their children. I have vowed to myself to never be that kind of parent. My son has his own dreams and ambitions. He once told me he wanted to be a doctor, then he changed his mind a few months later and wanted to be something else. Right now he wants to be big like his Dad, and work hard for the money he'll need as a Master Builder for Lego. I asked him as I wrote this what he wanted to be when he grew up. By the time our conversation was over, he had told me what I wrote just a sentence ago. He wants to be a Master Builder when he grows up.

I know the dream will change and am excited to see what it will change too. He told me he wanted to help people before, and I think he can help people as a Master Builder too. He doesn't need being a doctor to help people. He can always change his mind, though. That is the gift of the human condition. We have the abilities to control our lives and do what we want with them from a young age. Seeing that develop in a small child as they discover they have the ability to make decisions for themselves is priceless. Watching them have their own personality, and then they slowly grow into some parts of the personality is awesome.

I love being a Mom like I've said dozens of times before. I have only experienced four years of being a Mom, and I'm sure my perspectives on parenting will change over my lifetime. I'm sure that things I believe now about parenting an older child will be challenged as my perspectives have been so far. That's the beauty of this experience; it is ever evolving, changing and growing. I learn more as the years go by and so do he. I learn from him and he learns from me. I can't wait to see what the next 76 plus years (if I live into my eighties) have in store for me as a parent. I can't wait to see what happens to him as a child growing up in the current world. I can't wait to see what experiences, adventures, and places we go from here.

I have one piece of unsolicited advice for future parents: It is NOTHING like you expect. Parenting is weird—embrace it.

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