Panic Attacks and Triggers

Panic attacks are debilitating and can be humiliating to have others see. If you're around anyone else, you probably feel like they're staring at you and you're making a huge fool of yourself. All you want to do is curl up into a ball and disappear. And if it's your kids, you probably feel even worse. You feel like you're being a horrible mother, setting the worst example for them, and your mind is racing with every bad thing you could possibly think. But take a step back and breathe. Having a panic attack in front of your kids does NOT make you a horrible mother! It may seem like the worst thing ever, but you can and will get through it. Contrary to how it feels, it WILL be ok!

There is always the tried and true method of grounding to help you through a panic attack that you've probably heard a thousand times. Look around you. Find and name 5 things you can see, 4 things you can feel, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste. But there are other things that can help you as well. Breath in for 4 seconds, hold it for 7 seconds, then exhale for 8 seconds, and repeat this a few times until you feel better. The other breathing technique I use is called breathing squared. You breathe in for 4 seconds, hold it for 4 seconds, then exhale for 4 seconds.

It also helps to talk during a panic attack. Talk about what's going on. Explaining to your kids what you are going through will also help them to better understand. So go ahead and tell them, "I'm having a hard time controlling my emotions right now. I can't breathe well, and I feel like the room is spinning." Once the panic attack is over, you can explain to them what it was. Just remember to use words and phrases they will understand. Using big words might make them think it's something dangerous and that will scare them. Then next time it happens you can remind them of this conversation. Kids are remarkably understanding and caring creatures.

Another good trick that your kids can help you with is to name shapes and colors, sing the alphabet, and count. This will get your mind focused on something other than the panic attack, and it is also fun for your kids! Singing other kids songs, like "Down By The Bay" or "Old McDonald" also helps and is fun for kids. (You have to focus more on those songs; thinking of rhyming words or animals and their sounds.) Naming things in the room is another fun thing that helps.

It can also be extremely difficult to handle when your kid does something that triggers you. For instance, I get easily triggered by too many loud sounds at the same time. So if the tv is on and someone is talking, then my son starts to cry or whine, that can be extremely overwhelming for me. I've had times where I feel like I'd do anything to get the noise to stop because it's too much and I can't handle it. I'll even start crying because it's just so overwhelming. Or, for me, I'm really sensitive about being touched when and/or where I don't want to be. I'm also really sensitive to certain people touching me. (This goes back to trauma from when I was little). I can easily be triggered in this way, and when I am I go into a complete breakdown. It can be really hard to handle, especially when I'm triggered by my son. Clearly, he doesn't understand what's going on. He's 6 months old. All he knows is that he was playing with his Maman and suddenly she started crying. When you get triggered, reassure your kids that you will be ok, and when you've calmed down be sure to tell your kids that they didn't do anything wrong, or, if they did, calmly explain to them what it was that they did wrong. It's important to wait until you are calm to talk to your kids about anything they may have done wrong. They will not respond well to any discipline or correction you give them when you are upset or overwhelmed. It can be a big challenge not to fly off the handle at your kids when they trigger you, but it will go so much better for everyone involved if you can wait until you are completely calm to talk to them about what they did. They will listen and understand better and you will have an easier time explaining things to them.